Wednesday, October 22, 2014
A million feelings. A Gillions thoughts. All of those possibilities. All of the things that could be, should be, might be, will be are all up in the air.
I am 2 hours pass my bedtime. There is a lot of thoughts and doubt on my mind. I ponder thoughts over and over again. I think of all my decision and moves. I tried to planned all of the outcome to make sure it turns out the way I wanted it. I tried not to get hurt. I think and think. And then, I come to realized, there is so much stuff going on and I can't control every event that happen in my life.
My mom always told me. What will come, will come. And, I so, for tonight, I toss all of my thoughts up into the air and return them to the stars. I pray for guidance.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
I went to one of my club meeting today. And a special doctor came to talk to us today. I felt really inspired after hearing his story. I want to tell you it. But it's bedtime. This doctor is really something worthwhile. I will dive into more detail another day.
And lastly, my heart feels really good tonight. I am behind with work and there are tons of things to worry about. But, truely, tonight. I feel really inspired at eased. (or maybe, I'm just listening to a really upbeat song right now.) I am a bit behind on blog reading, but I will catch up with it tomorrow.
I spent a majority of today feeling clustered. There was a lot of uneasiness on my mind. I am all over the place. But I found a hint this evening. And, I all the things that were flying around in my hand. They all landed.
Let me leave you with a quote someone shared with me today: "Life events come into our life for a reason."
Sunday, October 5, 2014
I am not suppose to be writing this right now. I have so much to do today. My head hurts and I can't seem to work proficiently. I have a slight cold.
I ran across a song on youtube today, and I can't help to sit back and think for a bit. Just to reflect on the things are happening now in my life.
This is a strange time in my life. I am not there yet. And yet, I am not where I use to be anymore. I'm in the middle of everything, and also in the middle of nothing.
My head and heart are in 2 separate path, the world continues to spin, and I keep walking.
Where shall we begin?
I am worried and conflicted. I am unsure. I am contemplating. I stressed. I am sick. I missed some people. I have someone who runs with my joke. I have a roof over my head. My mom cooks me my favorite meal. Dad still manage help me with bills and papers. I went through some stuff in college and I got out of it bit different than before.
At first, I would think that I am a bit " a little hard hearted" after coming out of college. And maybe it has left me this feeling. Where my heart is less malleable then when I came into it. And I contemplate to myself every now and then wondering, why am I still here? I should be doing this and that. I should be applying and sending in my application. I should be doing all the things kids my age are doing right now. Getting their apps in and applying to medical school.
But that isn't me. I am not there. There are still a bit more steps I have not completed yet and that is what seperated me from them. I wonder why, why can't it started? When I see someone with a whitecoat, a part of me wonder when will I ever get there? If will I ever get there? And my heart ache a bit.
And to think about love, my heart is really not what it have been before. I was a kid back then, small and foolished. College taught me something different. It gave me opportunities and taught me something more about myself. I met people who changed my life and give me a better impression how to treat people and how I wanted to be treated in return. I got my little heart crushed in college. But I am also guilty of crushing others.
And coming out of all of it, I still a bit not ready. Not yet. I look at myself and I realized I am on a path. I am far from what I once was, but not yet what I am going to become.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
First off, guess what? :)
I finally got off my butt and got a gym membership.
I have been studying a lot lately, and sitting for long hours has cause my body to ache and my butt hurts.
Thus, I thought it is also time to do something and get out of the house. So, I got a gym membership to exercise to prevent any further but pain.
Also, I'm sleepy. I was going to write something deep tonight. But bedtime.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I been sleeping early these few days.
My butt currently hurt. I think I sit too much and need to walk around a bit more.
I been thinking about stupid things lately. And last night, I did the most stupid things. I went to stalk a friend from college facebook. And ..damn. I really got the feel. Part of me want to cry, part of me is happy, and all of me just feel so pointless.
I know this doesn't make sense. But when I see her, I can't help wonder if my life would have been better if we never met. I wonder, if I could go back and relived part of my college experience, would I have chosen a path to have never met her.
People told me everything happen for a reason. But I can't seem to justified this person in my life. My encounter with her has only brought so much emotion in my life..my heart in pain. It like those unnecessary pain. These feeling comes out every now and then. Of all the rain and clouds, I do not regret my final decision to exit from her life. Love come and love goes. And..so it went.
For the picture, this is my hometown. A place that is very far away from where I live now. It is a nice picture.
Thursday, September 18, 2014
It's not that I haven't been doing weekly photoshoot. I do take them every other week. However, most are in post-production and I'm to lazy to edit and fix the coloring. But here is this week. I quite enjoy this outfit.
Monday, September 15, 2014
So, I am looking my schedule. Checking my progress. Analyzing my work habit. Checking the time of the day. Checking the time I have left. And all I can say is... there is a lot to be done. And yet, I cannot seem to make my day more effective.
I study mostly at home now so this mean I am always on my desk. This puts me off from my normal studying habit because I am at home with my home computer. This mean, I procastinate so much on my computer because I go on all my favorite website.
In conclusion, I am not using my time effectively. The MCAT is coming. If I don't fix this issue, I am really screwd.
With that said, I need to do something to stop myself from distraction & procastination.
So, I am coming up with a new tactic.
1. Morning Run (400PT) : consist of a morning practice test simulation (Goal: meet number requirement)
2. BUNDLE CORRECTION (500 PT): a set of committed time to correcting papers w/o computer break/eating break (systematiclly: 20 min each ps)
3. VB2x (100PT) : another verable run & correction [OPTIONAL]
4. BUNDLE APPLICATION (300 PT): translating test errors into notes & explore unsure progress
w/o computer breaks
5. **The clocking system** = 5 hours of work time per day. (timer certified)
1.ALL BUNDLE RUN: needs to be completed away from main computer.
2. No website can be open except for timer.
3. No replying to text.
Recording System: (Myfitnesspal)
1. Calories: Accomplishment point system
2. Weight: Clocked hours