Saturday, July 11, 2015
This is the place that welcome me into the world. This is the home my parents stayed in for 8 whole years. This was the home that shelter me away from the hardship and starvation from vietnam. In this place, I was fortunate enough not to go hungry. My parents had a safe place to live and food provided for. This wasn't technically freedom, but it was a place where it was my first home.
I keep this picture on my mom's laptop to remind me of where I came from and the difficulties my family faced when I was growing up. I am both thankful for the kindness that allowed my family to stay in this refugee camp and gave me a safe space to spend my first few years into the world. I am also thankful that this home has eventually lead my family to America.
I am thankful for everything that has happen to me. I am going through a difficult time with the MCAT & Application processes. But this picture and memories like this keep me grounded and reminded me of how fortunate I am to be here.
Friday, July 3, 2015
I am not suppose to be doing this. I should do other stuff like application and filling out big kids stuff. But after seeing this images about the night sky, I can't help but think of memories from the past. I don't know.. just something trigger old thoughts and images. And this does it.
I could feel the cold air from the night sky, the wind, the warm sitting next to that special person who I cared so much. The laughter we shared. The small talk. The conversation. The heart to heart. This person is no longer with me. But on strange nights in random occasion, I think of this person. I don't think I am in love with this person. A lot of things has happened since we been together. But I will always care and cherish the memories we have together.
Wednesday, July 1, 2015
A journey. Yes, this is what I call it. It is a journey, a difficult one. A very very difficult one. I think this has been so hard. I'm RANTING. Please don't read the rest. It is just me and my tireself trying to get everything out.
I want to go back to elementary school. Or maybe middle school. Not highschool, that was crazy as hell. Maybe college, but in the good seasons. But really, I HATE THIS. OMG IT SUCK SO MUCH. I know I am very very lucky but REALLY I HATE THIS SO MUCH.
I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere and heading to nowhere. Everywhere everyone is stable living happy lives and playing video games. Me, here I'm just having a really hard time. This journey TO MEDICINE is hard has hell. Oh this suck so much.
Why do i do all of this? I can live a normal life? I can be anyone else.. like a dentist, a lawyer, or maybe a pharmcist, or tech person, so something. I can be so much. I can find a job and do something so much easier. So why.. WHY DO I DO THIS?!?
I have a lot of doubts in myself right now. I question can I make it? I question how can I get there?
I don't understand it.
....you know, tomorrow is one of my patient's birthday. We're trying to get him into this special program that would help him out a lot. He was so happy I called and check-up on him today. He told me tomorrow is his birthday. He was really happy to hear that there is a program that is out there that can help him through some difficult path. We don't know if he will get the program, but I am crossing my fingers for him. He told me "I know why you are calling me and why I am receiving this message today. Its because tomorrow is my birthday."
I don't know, It feels so good. I didn't do much, but I am happy I could be there for him in his own journey. I have met a couple of people today that are going through something very hard in their own lives. They are brave for continue going when not everything is okay.
I guess, I do this because I care. I do this because I see the effect that it can have on another individual. I do this because because I know that nothing that is great will come easy. I know that this will push me and forces me to grow stronger. I know this can make me better. I do this because I have a things to do and places to go. I do this because I am blessed with the opportunity. I do this because I know my parents didn't have it easy. I do this that everyone that come before me and those that come after me will face similar pain and challenges. But it made them into so great individuals, and I want to become something like that. I do this because I know the higher I go, the more power and skills to help and heal.
Tuesday, June 30, 2015
So, for the past two days, I sat down and wrote out my thoughts and reflection about all the things I have done for the last 4 years. There was a lot of thoughts to go through, a lot of feeling and emotion that need to be unfolded and put into papers. So, I been crafting a drafts of all my thoughts and feeling. There was this one volunteer program that I have been affiliated for a year and I wanted to put it as a personal statement because it has been an integral part of my life for the the last year. At first, I could not say anything about it. I don't know what how to unlock these feeling and thoughts, but eventually, thought started to pour out and slowly but carefully I typed down my experience. Its funny how it came out, the ideas came out like a flow of water. I am glad I got something on papers.
So, I basically spent the last few hours typing out a story that I am trying to build as I connect all the pieces together and hopefully figure out my overarching theme.
Monday, June 29, 2015
Tonight, I am writing stories. A lot of stories. Basically, I am recounting everything from the beginning of time. Just kidding... but it really feel a lot like it. I am basically writing about all the significant expeirence that has happened to me in college. Of course, its not that dramatic, but I am writing about my activities in college and what it meant for me. I almost feel like I am telling a bunch of stories.. like a what I am doing is trying to craft each and every pearl and somehow connect them into a string of beads. Each event is different but each all significant. I have no idea how this is going to work. I feel like I have a bunch of stuff to figure out...
And they all want this on the application. Oh boy, I have no idea how this going to work.
Sunday, June 28, 2015
So, last week, I was involved in this summer program coaching little kids. It was really fun.
In the process of doing a powerpoint, I download a bunch of virus. I don't know what happen, it got into my computer and kinda damage my browser and it was pretty bad.
But, tonight, I download an antivirus software. And also, I learned to restart all of my browser stuff. Now, I am very sleepy. I wanted to write a lot more but the installation and antivirus stuff took so long. But I will hopefully write tomorrow.
Sunday, June 21, 2015
So, I took the MCAT today. And I submitted it. Its been a long and hard struggle. From the very beginning and up till today, It has been one rocky rocky ride. I don't know what will happen now. But I know that I walked into that test scared and terrified. So, I prayed. I prayed that I would have the courage to step into my fear, the strength to continue this fight and a calm and clear mind to complete the task at hand.
And so, I went into to the test knowning that I have done all I can. I have exhaust the material that is offered to me at this time and used up all the time I have left to study. I have put in time studying the content, and spent time in developing the skill and strategy to complete the test. And today, I took the test knowing I really did the best I can to best of my abilities. And, when I finished, I cried. I don't know, it was an extremely emotional process just finishing the exam. I just pray I have a good enough score to get into medical school.
But after the long hiatus, I am back.
I don't know if I was really living in the last couple of months. I know down to the last 2 months, it felt very difficult to breath and keep going. I kept having mental breakdown every few days. It was knew I cried a lot and did a lot of thinking. It made me question about my life and my decision and my goals. It made me realized more about the people around me and understand their plight. But I will delve into those talks later.
But tonight, I just want to be glad that I am finally back to this blog. I felt protected all throughout my test today. I not sure if I want to run you through the complete detai of how the test went. But I want to let you know I did the best I could.
As for now, What now... Well...I am staring a summer job this monday! I get to play and teach kids and get them excited about science! :)
Oh, And i'm going to hit the gym, clean my room, get a NEW DIGITIAL UPDATE UP.. and hm.. go watch that one movie on threater. Then, make that video about rivers protection.
And... with all hope and prayers, I hope I may have the priviledge to apply to medical school this coming cycle.