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Healthy Living: What keep you going?

Friday, September 4, 2015

So, I am sitting here late tonight. I should be in bed now.
I just want to complain to you how tough it is.

First, I don't know what will become of me. I am hear reading up applications and secondaries statment from college, and honestly, there are some colleges that I feel outright they do not want me.

I don't know, its just.. I feel like i'm fighting against a current and I feel unwanted, unloved, and just an inferiority as a student.

I have self-doubt because I am not perfect. I have a low MCAT score. My GPA is okay. My involvement is okay. My research is good. My letters is good? I dont' know. I feel like a inferior for some reason like I am not good enough.

I feel like nobody wants me. I feel other students are so much better than me. And I am stressed out. I am tired. I feel inadequate. I am alone. I am kinda chubby. I have terrible sleeping habit (but its okay for my writing schedule) My back hurts from sitting on a chair all the time.

I don't know. I just feel its like one competition after another. One obstacles after another. One battle field to the next.

And honestly, I am also sad. I am alone. Before, I would have someone as an eye-candy. Not to date of course, but someone I would crush over, and yes, just someone to admire about. But nobody. On most day, I enjoy this freedom. and someday, I don't. And that is today.

So tell me...

When your in a situation where you are unsure about your future, you feel like you are going agaisnt the current, you feel inadequate and have self doubt, and you are alone, what do you? What keep you going? What make you tick? How do you push forward? Where is your moral compase now?

... What keep you going?

Well, here is my answer. That girl above is a guy. And she was once a boy living in a Japan. There were so much things in her life that pushed here agaisnt herself. She went through so much darkness. She is a transwomen. I am not. But I looked up to her. She went agaisnt the world to get what she wants. And so.. that is my answer. I can't tell you much more. But from here, that is my answer.

Healthy Living: Kinda.. brain dead but.. not wanting to sleep yet...

Thursday, September 3, 2015

My dear, its too early in the morning for me to think.. and it is too late in my days to write. I am telling you. I hope you all are lovely & well.

There are something I cannot say. Not here, not to anyone. I don't know. Sometime, I feel that if I say it, it loses it's magic, it loses it affect. It loses it's significant of being something between your mind and your soul.

Healthy Living: The helping hand

Sunday, August 30, 2015

Hope you all are alive.

Healthy Living: My vow

Friday, August 21, 2015

My vow.

1. I will have faith in myself and my ability.  I will not question my chances. 
--> For I am not the person who decide that.

2. I will not think about things I have no control over. 

3. I stay in my uncomfortable zone to things that is expected of me. 

Healthy Living: Achievement

In order to advance yourself, you must have the dream AND the ambition to see it through. This means having the willpower to carry the task through and go past your comfort zone. 

In order to rise:
1. you have to have the vision. 
2.You have to believe in yourself. 
3.You have to be willing to step out of your comfort zone. 
4.You have to be willing to carry carry your vision through to the end even 

You will face discomfort and scared. No matter what people say, you absolutely have to believe in yourself. You have to believe in yourself and be willing to do the task and carry it through. No matter what people say. You have to continue to push even when you don't feel comfortable, even when you are unsure, even when you are scared, even when you have fear, you have to carry it through. 


Healthy Living: Writing my applications

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

I am slowly writing the stories about events that has made who I am today.
In the mist of this whole process, I can't help reflecting and thinking back to the old days when I was a child and when I was in high school. The memories of the things that were most valuable to me. I remembered the person was formally in a relationship to the crush I had in college. And even though a part of me miss all of those memories, memories of them are like old pictures. It is something you treasure, something you look back once every rainy day and take in the moment when it was all real. But the moment end, you slowly put these pictures back to the boxes and slowly tuck them away in the back of your mind. They will forever remain there and leave a kind impression on you as you walk slowly toward the future and what is waiting for you.

 I pray for guidance.

Healthy Living: One day

Thursday, August 13, 2015

This past week, many students are going back to school and many medical school across the US are welcoming a new group of medical school students. They have worked hard and they have struggled. They are the best and the brightest of the group.

And thought this, I can't be any happier for them. They have made it.Their ship has reached pear.

But in this, my ship is slowly leaving the safety reef and heading out to sea. It scares me because I am officially applying to medical school. And it all been so unreliable that I am here right now.

And the idea of being out in the ocean scares me. But I came to see that this perspective is a bit wrong. I am not going out to sea for the first time. I have always been at sea, since August of 2014 when I graduated college, I entered the sea.

My MCAT was the big waves, and the obstacles that I have to overcome to keep my boat afloat. And with a lot of love and bless from above, I made it passed the MCAT. With helped and guidance, I submitted my primary application to medical school.

I was not leaving any reef or safety harbor. It has already happen and this application is a part of this journey. I truly do not know where this journey will lead me and how treacherous the path may lead. I have no idea of how long I will go through this process or what trouble awaits me.

But I realized from the MCAT that this path is for me. This hardship, this pain, and everything that comes with it, I will find a way to bear. I'll see it through. I hope no big current awaits and no shark along the way. This whole process has been eye opening and challenging my nerve and my faith every step of the way

I feel like a little boat at sea, challenging the current. But I am not alone. I pray guidance.


About Me

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Hi! My name is Jenny. I am currently a college student. I am very very academic oriented. I want a career in the healthy care field one day! :)