Healthy Living: A part of something

Sunday, August 24, 2014


It's late at night again. And I am writing to you this.
I should be in bed. I have been grumpy the past 2 days because I been sleeping at 3AM and waking up at 8AM. I can't handle this anymore. That's why I needed to head to bed earlier tonight.

But I wanted to write before sleeping.
I want to tell you about what has happen in these past few days.
I recently made a new tumblr account and found this online anime community! I met interesting people from all around the world. I liked this community a lot because they share the same interest as me. We watch the same shows, have similar favorite characters, and also we read the same manga. I found a group of people I finally have something in common beside just school and academic. Its relaxing and fun.

I am slowly making friends. These people are a little different from my normal facebook friends. I don't know, but something about them make me included. In a way, it feels different. I know this sound weird, but in a way, I am looking for myself through them. I am still trying to learn more about myself.

I don't know how to describe it. I need someone to show me that its is alright and it is okay to be who I am. And it is a warm feeling to know that I am not alone in this process. There are a lot of people out there in this world going through the same thing as me... because self understanding is a lifetime process.



To think, this reminds me of Jewlz's catch phrase: "Searching ...for Jewlz".

Maybe the night is getting to me and I stop making sense.

MCAT: Progress Update #2: 8/09/14-8/15/14

Thursday, August 21, 2014


Update on my MCAT studies. This is kinda late but last week been quite bumpy. I manage to get a few things done though. I don't count Monday-Sunday. This is because this make me slack off and try to make up for everything on Saturday & Sunday. So, I switch my schedule where Saturday is the start of my schedule and Friday is the last day of the week. This way, Saturday and Sunday seems like a fresh start and Monday seems more like those catch-up kinda days.

Either way, what we are looking at is  THIS LAST WEEK REVIEW: 8/09/14-8/15/14
I did show improvement this week regarding my MCAT studies. But I am hoping to pass the 1000 mark each time. Next week goal is to pass 1000 mark for each day.

Healthy Living: First Love

Sunday, August 17, 2014


Now follow me. Grab my hand and I will take you to back to time when I was young. It was a time when school has not yet dominated my life. It was a time when my life was filled with fantasy and adventure. It was a time when real life with a mixed of the virtual world. This was my adolescences.

It was during the mid years of my high school. School has not yet been a dominating factor in my life. I was a young careless soul. I went to vietnamese school on the weekend, procastinate on piano less, and of course, I played video games.

I was involved in this world called Maplestory. It has a population of nearly 3 million players and I was one of those daring explorer. My character was a young thief with a thirst for excitement. Everyday, I would logged onto this game and fly away to this enormous world. As I grow and become a stronger bandit, I met teamed up with different people from all over the country to fight evil boss and slay mighty dragons. I rose within my rank and become one of the famous Party Quest Leader. I belong to many guilds and made close friend that I trust more than people I go to school with.

In this world, I had no limit and no boundaries. I can travel to distant lands and meet different people from different culture. I was young and I was brave. This world was my playground. And like ever adventure, the hero of the story eventually fell in love with a beautiful Priest.



I met her during my boat ride toward the clouds land called Orbis. I wasn't sure if  was love at first sight or not, but seeing her stand there made my heart leap. I have been playing this game for a very long time, but I was never into other gamers. I had my own adventure to explore let alone to waste my time getting involves in romantic affairs. This was not my kind of life.

But seeing this girl standing in the boat dock with her white robe and wand, my heart felts something it hasn't felt before. And for a moment, the world seems to twirl around her. Everyone was just the scenery, she was the focus point of which my world revolved. And this is when I met my first love and my first girlfriend.

Our love didn't start out like many others. It was a bumpy path. I didn't get close enough to date her until a year in after I met her at the ferry trip. There were still things I needed to learn from people I have not yet met so that I can fully love her with all of my heart. During the a month time span, we were friend and I courted her. All her friends knew I liked her. She knew. I didn't.



You see, at the age of 15, love was something foreign and abstract to me. I didn't not know what love was when it came to me. But I did learned. However, life separated us. She left the continent and I didn't see her again for nearly a year. I continue to wander in my own virtual world. But she was in my heart. Things happen and we were reconnected. Again, maple story was our place meeting place. We were a long distance couple. She was half the continent away, but maplestory was a virtual world that allow me to be with her.

And for the first time in my life, I had someone who I can called my own. We did a lot of things together. It was always filled with laughter. Every waking moment, I thought about her and what I was going to say when I saw her. And eventually, I got down on my knees and proposed. Yes, I put a ring on it.


Our relationship was surprisingly happy. We did not have any problems and there were rarely fights. She is always sweet and forgiving. I am always the one making the ruckus. I was the trouble maker and always took her for granted. I was so terrible and so immature. But she still love me and forgive me for my worst. Finally, the real problem came. It was me. I am a girl. She doesn't know. She plans her life with me. But I can't. I am not the man she thinks I am. I am a girl. Yet, I loved her.

And slowly, things feel apart. Guilt builds up in me and she could sense something was wrong. She didn't know why. I couldn't tell her. Suddenly, out of the blue, I broke up with her. We both cried alot. And I felt all what all of those love song were about. It felt like a knife through my heart when I walk away from her. We kept our distance from each other. I went back to my real life and left behind this online virtual world called Maplestory.


But I couldn't get her out of my head and heart. I missed her. I wanted her. So I gave in. Who cares if I had to lied to her about my real identity. I wanted her and that all I care about. I'm willing to be someone I am not just to be with her. I am willing to fake being a guy as long as I can still be with her. So, I came back to her. She opens were arms and took me back.

Things were good again. I can smile each day. We saw each other on MapleStory every weekend. Every saturday and sunday night, I was tell her about my week at school and what I did. She would share with me the stories of her adapting to her new life in a new continent. I would talk with her until the early morning since we were living in the opposite time zone. I was in the USA and she was staying in Asia.


But despite anything. It everything was good again. We were together for nearly two years. It was a blissful 2 years. We still have disagreement here and there. What I hated about long distance relationship was that I cannot hold her. I can't hug her or kiss her goodnight. On holidays like Christmas, I can't take her out and buy her gifts. I was also young and stupid. I don't remember our anniversary. I never bought her flowers. I didn't get her much for her birthday. But she still loved me. She still cares for me so much. I was the luckiest.

But as my junior year past, I had to start thinking about college. She was fine with seeing each other through college. She plans to visit me when I enter University. But I wasn't. I couldn't. There it was again. That problem. I am a girl. She doesn't know. I don't have the guts to tell her because that would mean losing everything we had. I can't stand being away from her or let anyone else have her. She was mine. I was hers. But life doesn't wait. Time fly and I got accepted to the University of my choice. My path was set, and I am to walk this road alone.


But I couldn't take her along. I sat down and thought real hard. I didn't have the guts to tell her I am a girl. I had to let her go. She can't live like this and loving someone who isn't even a guy. There is no way we can be together. There is no future for us. This things doesn't usually happen to a normal 18 years old girl. So, I broke up with her for the last. I left. She cried. I cried. I stayed away from her for 4 years. I walk away and remain firm on my decision. I knew there is no future for us. This is was the only way. And soon, time took away the pain. What I left is memories of her. I am no longer in love with her but she is still in her my heart. I still care for her.


I wish she knew. I wish I can tell her why. It a long time ago, I'm sure it doesn't matter as much now. But I still want her to know who I am. My real identity. I want her to know I am a girl. This is our first love. At the very least, I want her to know the truth and the whole truth. I'm not running away anymore.

 -Por Fin.

.... Now, is any of this actually true? Or did I simply made it up.



Digital Update 8/10/14

Sunday, August 10, 2014



I must say, this was a very successful photoshoot. There were so much shots that I liked that it was difficult to narrow down to the top 20!!! let alone just narrowing down to the top 5. So, for the top 5, I went more with choosing different poses to create more of a variety. Overall, I really like this photoshoot. I haven't felt this good in awhile. But despite how nice the pictures came up, I am have been eating very unhealthy lately. I need to get back to eating greens.

MCAT: S1: Progress Update #1

Saturday, August 9, 2014


So, I am adapting this method from my losing weights day. This allow me to track my daily progress and compared it to other days.

HOW IT WORK:

I used the myfitnesspal apps. My daily calories log is 1200 calories each day.
I rank my daily studying task in the scale from 1-120%.  On a perfect day, I will complete 100% of my assignment for that day. On a extremely rare day, I complete 120%. On other days... it varies.

But anyway, I need to get it right this time. So I'm trying to get myself back together.
Each day, I will log in my "percentage" in form of "calories". Thus, 20% workload = 200 calories.
So, if I did 100% of my daily workload = 1000 calories. My goal each week is to raised my avg. This is how the game work.

My Second Week Progress:


My Overall Progress:


MCAT: S1: Come Back


I found another duck pictures! :) And of course, it is perfect for today's topic.

Getting back into shape.
I been through summer school. I finished senior year. I graudated. Now, onto the MCAT. For REALL THIS TIME!

Try everything. 

Yesterday, I got into a argument with my mother. She came back from vacation and she basically started picking on me about my life. She said I was slacking in my MCAT studies. I got frustrated and screamed back at her. Before I know it, the whole house was awake and my dad also became involved. I told my mom to lay off me.

 I didn't want her to tell me that I am lazy and that I haven't picked up an MCAT books in weeks. I didn't want her to see that I couldn't study. I can't. I didn't want to. I am exhausted, I am tired, and I am burned out. Utterly burned out and dissapointed with the direction that i am walking right now. Don't get me wrong, it's not the destination that I am talking about. What I mean is that, things didn't go as planned for me this year. And it hit me hard. I'm have been trying to get up in the past month. But, I'm still stuck. 

I have been off track with my studies. I haven't picked up my MCAT books. I been not good. And if I want a shot at medical school, this MCAT is a hurdle I need to conquore. 

I need developed a way to organized my studies. I can't go aimlessly doing things anymore. I been strong studying for the MCAT in the past. I need to pick up steam again. Life doesn't always go as planned. It make me sad and feel hopeless like I am a failure. But, I can't just stop. My mom is such a strong women. She overcame so much hurdles in her life. I hope I can also be as strong as her. 

MCAT PLAN: 

1. Daily Planner:
--> I am going to use this to plan my schedule to see if I am on track with my daily planned. 
I am have going to have a "tentative" plan for my goals. Everyday, I will check on it to see if I am on track. It is to measure my daily task.

2. Myfitnesspal:
--> Trying to lose weight has taught me an important life lesson. If I want something to be done, I can't just neglect it. I need to address it. It need to be on my mind constantly or at least in the back of my head. I need something like myfitnesspal to help me study for my MCAT. 

Thus, I am going try to adapt my measuring system to myfitnesspal. (It's weird, but I'm trying to be innovative.. or at least something new) This is will allow me to compare the productivity of each day in a week & month span. 

3. Weekly Planner: 
--> This is to keep my schedule in check. Planned out lesson planned. 

I'm not exactly sure if all of this is going to work out. But I need to at least something or try everyone to see if something work out. I'm gotta do something. I want to be strong. I want to overcome.

Healthy Living: Unsure

Monday, July 28, 2014



Another late night, heh?
It's 3:21 AM.  I should be in bed. But I can't sleep yet. I want to let you know that today, I have submitted my last assigned for UCI. :) My undergrad years are officially over!

I'm quite unsure about this feeling. It is really a bitter sweet ending. I have been waiting for this moment since the start of spring quarter. Now it is here. I'm not sure how I quite feel about it. On one side, I am glad I'm no longer bogged down with work for school. But in away, it means that a chapter of my life has completed. I can't believed its over.

I like to think that it is over. All that happen at UCI has ended. I'm not exactly sure what I should feel. I guess tonight, I feel a bit lonely. I feel that something has left me. A part of my undergraduate life is gone and I can never take it back. I don't have any regret. I did everything I can and I am blessed to meet so much great people. And, I'm so glad I came out of it knowing more about myself. :)

So what's next? Well, I'm not really sure. But tomorrow, LITTERALLY TOMORROW, I'm going to need to clean up my room and house. I'll do a digital update next week.

For this picture, it reminds me of two people. One I met in college and the other I met during high school. They taught me a lot about myself and also help me through so much doing college. I don't think my college experience will be the same without them. I literally mean it. Now that they have taught me through what I needed to know, they are going on their way. I'm glad they came into my life and I hope I have in some way contribute a little to their life.


 

About Me

My Photo
Hi! My name is Jenny. I am currently a college student. I am very very academic oriented. I want a career in the healthy care field one day! :)

Followers

Blogroll