Sunday, April 20, 2014
Tonight is late, but I want to draw your attention to one of the current events. In the last few days, a korean ferry ship has sunk and trapping more than 250 students inside.
It's been nearly 4 days as parents, and relative wait for news of their children. I am young so I do not know what it is like to have a child. But my mom told me that the worst pain in the world is to bury your own child. To these parents, their hope continue to fade as the days go by. The heart wrenching stories of these children sending text to their mother and father as the ship goes down has left the whole South Korean country in agony. These stories has many time brought me to tears.
As parenst waited in the gymanisum waiting for news of their children. I feel like as the 5th day hit, we are only left to find bodies. To many who has given up faith, and bodies are now being retrieved. At this rate, I don't know what to hope for. I just feel an incredible pain for their lost. I have been following this story for the last two days and its all I can think about.
I still have faith that there are those who are still alive. But the rate at which the rescue mission is coming, I do not think it is possible to reach anyone in time. But I will continue praying for these families that their children can safely return to them.
The pictures above is are pictures of the heroic divers who are risking their lives in the rough sea on this rescue mission. The second picture is the image of a mother waiting for her daughter or son. I can't help but feel that no amount of comfort can bring her peace at this time. I just hope that things will be okay for her and every parents in her situation.
Sunday, April 13, 2014
I took my Saturday for granted. I feel so bad. I mean, I barely did anything productive today...
I feel so guilty.. I know, my snowman picture looks more happy than guilty. But, hey, I did really enjoy today. I just wish I did something more productive with my time.
I hope I can get up tomorrow and do some real work.
Lastly, I want to thank Jewlz for her insightful comment earlier on my post :D You are truly amazing.
Saturday, April 12, 2014
Anyway, I just want to post this picture today. It's a little remembrance from the past. My parents were originally from this area. And, my mom use to work like this lady. My mother learn how to cook in this region, and there was a time our livelihood depend on how many bowl of noodle my mom can sell. I don't bring these things up often, but at time, I look at these picture and I can't help remember where I came from.
Saturday, April 5, 2014
So, I'm still in the mist of studying and preparing for school. Things are crazy as always. I'm still trying to study for the MCAT. I know I have mentioned it since forever, but it is still in my life. This is because I have been very focus on school and not much on the MCAT for the last several months. But truely, this time, I'm really doing it..soon!
And so, I am here tonight to talk about another daunting situation. The reason of WHY medicine. So, the difficult question of the day is.. Why do you want to be a doctor? It is such a simple question. But the answer is not easily answerable.
I know what you are thinking, you are probably thinking "well, if you are planning to work so hard to become a doctor, you better have a good reason to do so." The difficulties of this question lies not in the fact that there is not an answer. It difficulties lies on how to identify the "true reason" and telling your story.
For me, particularly, pinpoint the reason to why I want to become a physician is a difficult challenge. There are a lot of aspect to medicine I adore. I have gain some exposure to the career and these doctors. But to pinpoint the "big reason" and putting all of this togther to reflect who I am.. it is difficult. That eventually, I get lost in my stories and I don't know what is the true reason. I hope I'm not sounding crazy about this. It's quite challenging.
There is a reason why I'm doing what I do. There is a reason, it's just I can't see it clearly. Not yet. At least not tonight. But there is something I do know though. I don't have all explanation to answer why I want to be a doctor right now. But there is something in me, that tells me that this profession is something I want to invest my life in. It feels right.
Btw, do you like the painting? I don't know who painted it, its so beautiful. It fits well with this topic.
Friday, March 28, 2014
That's right everyonne, it's 4:19AM. I should be in bed. But, I would like to say something very important. Today, I completed OCHEM PT2. I'm sure this doesn't seem to mean anything to you guys, but I understand. But for me, this is a completion of the most difficult ochem chapter for me. I spent the whole day with this one, and wrestle myself all around. Then, I faced 2 hours of complete panic and then another hour of wild goose chase. I'm just a mess all over to be honest.
But finally, I sat down, and did the most important thing a girl need to do at this age. I CRACK OPEN that ochem chapter and read it all. It took forever, and really long with difficult terms. But by the end, I manage to understand a gist of what is going on. And for once, things made a bit more sense. I wasn't look at a page full of alien markings, but instead a list full of reaction.
Now, it is way too early to say anything about today's work. But I feel like, I have understand Ochem a bit a better and I am pleased. And it's morning, but I'm going to rest. Because tomorrow, I'll post to you newly updated MCAT practice score.. and also tomorrow, I continue following my calender.
I hope everything will be okay.
Saturday, March 22, 2014
Time to hit the beach.... chill in the sun... and maybe go up to the mountain for some little snowboarding? :D haha.. noooo!! Not yet. I will go to the beach & hit up those mountains. But not this time, not yet.
In very soon, I will be taking the MCAT. I have been studying for it all winterbreak, and a bit during the winter quarter. Now, I am hoping to spend my spring break to catch-up, dedicate the first month to prepaing, and taking it next month.
However, there is something quite interesting that happen lately.. I am practicing to write with both of my hands. I am by nature right handed, but I am really trying to be able to write both hand. This will come in handy when it comes to finals week when I have to write out my notes. It was a pain writing out 3 months of notes for 3 whole classes in a few days. So, I am practicing to write 2 hands.
Also, It has been really stressful lately. I just finished my final week and it was really sressful for me. And I finally am on break. I am trying not to burn out so I'm trying to take things slow after my testing period. But, then again, I know pretty soon I am going to head back studying for the MCAT. For some reason, I am scare of the test, but then again, I feel like its something I have to go through.
Previously, I was typing something on this blog, but the original post was deleted because I am scare what I was even typing. And I can only sum it up as I am scared about the decision that I am about to make. The things that I am about to do. I mean, I really want to be a physican, but I am very scared. There is a lot that worried me. For instance, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of rejection, the fear of how my life might turn out if things did work out.. you know what I mean? What happen if things doesn't turn out the way I imagine? I don't know, I'm just a little scared of anything and everything. This isn't the first time really. I went through a similar phase when I was choosing my major in college. Hm.. what did I do to make all of these doubts go away back then?
1. It was the summer premed program. 2. It was my first class of biology in college. 3. It was the professor in the 2nd biology class in college. 4. It was the TA in my 3rd biology class in college. 4. It was doubt I had with my sexuality and the fear of being unsure. 5. It was the 5th biology class in college that I almost failed because I didn't study until 2 day before the exam. 6. It was that amazing feel I felt when I was reading through that bio textbook and when my professor was lecturing, that make me go "wow, I can't believe our body did all of that."
I guess, at the stage where I am at, there isn't really much I can do with these doubts and fear. I mean, I was very worried like this when I was thinking of my major in college. But I realize that sometime, we can spend days thinking about issue like this and dwell over all these fears. But really, you'll never know if you like something until you try it.
So back then, I give sometime and put some thought in choosing my major. Then, once I picked it, I went head on in. There was not point of dwelling over the fear of things not working out. Because really, I didn't know I loved Biology until I actually took biology in college and have gone through my struggles. So here, I think about this career thing.
I mean, I have made my decision. I want to go after something, and so, it is time to dive in. There shouldn't be much more thought about it. Because, not until I am actually in the position and facing it head on, I will never really be free of doubts and fear.
Saturday, March 8, 2014
I'm not sure why I am writing tonight. But first, I want to thank Jewlz for the great advice and encouragement. It really means a lot! :)
So, I just finished editing one part of my essay tonight and it ended kinda late.. around 2AM ish. Now, I know, I need to march myself off to bed as soon as possible, but I really want to unwind a little bit tonight. I thought I might visit facebook, but to be honest, nothing smooth me then writing on this blog. It is afterall the place I let out my feeling late at night.. ahahaha.
And so, tonight, there is a lot on my mind. Specially, I am thinking of my feelings. You see, I sometime ponder about life. I mean, I wonder if I wasn't living the life that I am living today, would I still want to be a doctor? I mean, would I be who the person that is reflecting to you tonight? I mean, I hear that circumstances and living condition can shape a person.
Today, I watched a video of one of my favorites singer-Charice. However, she recently came out as a Lesbian. This is a big suprise to me! I orginally loved her because of her voice. She would be able to hit all those high octives that many professional singers can only dream of.
However, after she came out to the media, she was abandoned by her parents. Then, she changed her image into a tomboy. And then she got a girlfriend, and then she started SINGING DIFFERENTLY!!
She stop singing those "deep" songs and convert to the typical Miley Cyrus: Wrecking Ball. And to be honest, she wasn't even sounding that well. In the youtube video, she recieved a lot of critism from her own fans and I can see why. Is she really losing it? Is it because of her new changed look that made her sing differently? I mean, she is very masculine these days, so maybe she wants to sing less girly song... but that is such a shame. Her voice, she can hit notes that would send shivels down my back. I miss her old performance.
And I started to be angry, maybe its her damn new girlfriend or friends that made her change. Maybe it was those new friends around that made her dress more manly and sing manly song. Maybe she was influenced by the wrong type of people and so she turns out this way--looking manly and singing manlier song.. and not those Celion Dion song anymore!!
But then again, I think about it, who am I to say this?!? I mean, how blind can I be? I mean, Charice is being Charice. She is growing and become more true to herself. And if this is a way to be true to herself, I should support her. I mean, long ago, she may dress like a girl and sing those lovely song that I adore, but maybe then, she was really suffering inside. Maybe she was crying behind the curtains and hiding herself from the world. And now, she is truly happy. She is able to dress the way that most fit her identity. And her voice, maybe she is being more protective of it. She isn't singing those high notes song because it may hurt her voice in the long run.
In all, I feel that Charice is happy now. And when I saw Charice with her gilfriend, I saw a really big smile on her face. Charice is truely happy, and as a fan, I should be happy for her. I mean, my initial reaction to Charice transformation is pretty bad. If she is living a proud and open life, who cares if she doesn't sing Celion Dion song anymore..
And so, I realize, I guess not everyone is like everyone. I mean, I like girls, but I don't think I will ever cut my hair. I love dressing up.. and doing my digital Update. But then again, this is my identity. This is who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin and I am forever fortunate. And I glad Charice is finally happy in her own skin-even if it meant she will look like a guy and singing manly song. Who am I to make a judgement?