Thursday, October 30, 2014
Its late tonight. I should be in bed hours ago. I don't know how I am going to get up tomorrow.
Earlier today, something profound happen to be today. I wanted to write pages and pages about this event. But I won't and probably can't.
So, I am going to leave it in this short post. It is a thought I wanted to share.
I had a friend that came into my life 2 years ago. This classmate has helped me through a lot during my years of studying in college. We are lab partners and class buddies. I owe my last 2 years grades to her influence. I learned to grow and become a better person. And I am forever thankful for that. I don't know how I made out of college but goodness it was nothing less than divine intervention.
Posted by LuckyWinner at 1:43 AM
Monday, October 27, 2014
THE ART OF TRACKING & SLACKING:
So, after weeks of stressing and messing around. I finally got off my lazy butt and update my progress. Let me show you what happened in the last 90 days.
This has been my daily progress in the last 90 days. Instead of "Calories", it was measured in term of my daily percentage of completion.
You can see that during the week of 9/22-10/5, my progressed rating were one of the best. I was kicking ass every single day. But something happen beyond this point, and my progress began to plummit. I believed this is due to several factors.
Let's take a closer look:
Now, we can see that thing started up plummit by 10/6/14,
Error 1: Not Tracking
It also happen that I stopped logging in my daily process info starting 10/4/14. Only 2 days after I stop keeping track of my progress and logging into my database did my productivity began to plummit. It say a lot about "pacing" and having "proper mindset". The more aware and focus I am about my daily productivity, the better my output became. However, if I began to keep daily tab and check-up on my daily tasked, there is a likelihood that my productivity would increase.
Error 2: Verbal Installation
Starting mid october, I changed my studying strategy by emphasizing more on verbal. This plays a partial role in decreasing my productivity because I dread on doing verbal passaged. It always take me 1-2 hours to "get myself tied down" and "set my head into gear". The reason is that I don't find doing verbal enjoying because it required 100% concentration. This is my downfall. I know. I know. I'm screwd. But I can't help feeling that majority of my MCAT score will be dependent on my verbal skill. Whether I retake the test or not, it is the verbal that will be the death of me. So I need to find a way to get verbal productivity increase. I am thinking of adding a whole new catagories to verbal to highlight its importance in my life.
Error 3: Sticking to the rythem
I have not been waking up early to study lately. I have been hanging around too late at night and not getting my self to bed on time. This ruins my track record because I lost nearly 4 potential hours of productivity. I need to sleep early again. Serously.
Error 4: Not taking break
I don't know how to take break and when to take break. So my body automatically takes break for me. This is why my output stick the last few weeks. It took breaks for my. Notice 10/14/14-1/-20/14
That is all the break my body took for me. This is disasterous in term of my productivity.
Overall, it is not just the fact that my producitivty stink, my score is also not improving. I am hitting the lower end of MCAT 20 ranges. This is diasasterous when my test is only 4 weeks ago.
I needed to focus more time and energy on my critical flaw area.
This is diffficult and hard. The MCAT is by far a difficult challenge for me in term of productivity and direction.
Wednesday, October 22, 2014
A million feelings. A Gillions thoughts. All of those possibilities. All of the things that could be, should be, might be, will be are all up in the air.
I am 2 hours pass my bedtime. There is a lot of thoughts and doubt on my mind. I ponder thoughts over and over again. I think of all my decision and moves. I tried to planned all of the outcome to make sure it turns out the way I wanted it. I tried not to get hurt. I think and think. And then, I come to realized, there is so much stuff going on and I can't control every event that happen in my life.
My mom always told me. What will come, will come. And, I so, for tonight, I toss all of my thoughts up into the air and return them to the stars. I pray for guidance.
Wednesday, October 15, 2014
I went to one of my club meeting today. And a special doctor came to talk to us today. I felt really inspired after hearing his story. I want to tell you it. But it's bedtime. This doctor is really something worthwhile. I will dive into more detail another day.
And lastly, my heart feels really good tonight. I am behind with work and there are tons of things to worry about. But, truely, tonight. I feel really inspired at eased. (or maybe, I'm just listening to a really upbeat song right now.) I am a bit behind on blog reading, but I will catch up with it tomorrow.
I spent a majority of today feeling clustered. There was a lot of uneasiness on my mind. I am all over the place. But I found a hint this evening. And, I all the things that were flying around in my hand. They all landed.
Let me leave you with a quote someone shared with me today: "Life events come into our life for a reason."
Sunday, October 5, 2014
I am not suppose to be writing this right now. I have so much to do today. My head hurts and I can't seem to work proficiently. I have a slight cold.
I ran across a song on youtube today, and I can't help to sit back and think for a bit. Just to reflect on the things are happening now in my life.
This is a strange time in my life. I am not there yet. And yet, I am not where I use to be anymore. I'm in the middle of everything, and also in the middle of nothing.
My head and heart are in 2 separate path, the world continues to spin, and I keep walking.
Where shall we begin?
I am worried and conflicted. I am unsure. I am contemplating. I stressed. I am sick. I missed some people. I have someone who runs with my joke. I have a roof over my head. My mom cooks me my favorite meal. Dad still manage help me with bills and papers. I went through some stuff in college and I got out of it bit different than before.
At first, I would think that I am a bit " a little hard hearted" after coming out of college. And maybe it has left me this feeling. Where my heart is less malleable then when I came into it. And I contemplate to myself every now and then wondering, why am I still here? I should be doing this and that. I should be applying and sending in my application. I should be doing all the things kids my age are doing right now. Getting their apps in and applying to medical school.
But that isn't me. I am not there. There are still a bit more steps I have not completed yet and that is what seperated me from them. I wonder why, why can't it started? When I see someone with a whitecoat, a part of me wonder when will I ever get there? If will I ever get there? And my heart ache a bit.
And to think about love, my heart is really not what it have been before. I was a kid back then, small and foolished. College taught me something different. It gave me opportunities and taught me something more about myself. I met people who changed my life and give me a better impression how to treat people and how I wanted to be treated in return. I got my little heart crushed in college. But I am also guilty of crushing others.
And coming out of all of it, I still a bit not ready. Not yet. I look at myself and I realized I am on a path. I am far from what I once was, but not yet what I am going to become.
Saturday, September 27, 2014
First off, guess what? :)
I finally got off my butt and got a gym membership.
I have been studying a lot lately, and sitting for long hours has cause my body to ache and my butt hurts.
Thus, I thought it is also time to do something and get out of the house. So, I got a gym membership to exercise to prevent any further but pain.
Also, I'm sleepy. I was going to write something deep tonight. But bedtime.
Tuesday, September 23, 2014
I been sleeping early these few days.
My butt currently hurt. I think I sit too much and need to walk around a bit more.
I been thinking about stupid things lately. And last night, I did the most stupid things. I went to stalk a friend from college facebook. And ..damn. I really got the feel. Part of me want to cry, part of me is happy, and all of me just feel so pointless.
I know this doesn't make sense. But when I see her, I can't help wonder if my life would have been better if we never met. I wonder, if I could go back and relived part of my college experience, would I have chosen a path to have never met her.
People told me everything happen for a reason. But I can't seem to justified this person in my life. My encounter with her has only brought so much emotion in my life..my heart in pain. It like those unnecessary pain. These feeling comes out every now and then. Of all the rain and clouds, I do not regret my final decision to exit from her life. Love come and love goes. And..so it went.
For the picture, this is my hometown. A place that is very far away from where I live now. It is a nice picture.