Healthy Living: Finding heart

This is the place that welcome me into the world. This is the home my parents stayed in for 8 whole years. This was the home that shelter me away from the hardship and starvation from vietnam. In this place, I was fortunate enough not to go hungry. My parents had a safe place to live and food provided for. This wasn't technically freedom, but it was a place where it was my first home.

I keep this picture on my mom's laptop to remind me of where I came from and the difficulties my family faced when I was growing up. I am both thankful for the kindness that allowed my family to stay in this refugee camp and gave me a safe space to spend my first few years into the world. I am also thankful that this home has eventually lead my family to America.

I am thankful for everything that has happen to me. I am going through a difficult time with the MCAT & Application processes. But this picture and memories like this keep me grounded and reminded me of how fortunate I am to be here.

Healthy Living: Starry Night

I am not suppose to be doing this. I should do other stuff like application and filling out big kids stuff. But after seeing this images about the night sky, I can't help but think of memories from the past. I don't know.. just something trigger old thoughts and images. And this does it.

I could feel the cold air from the night sky, the wind, the warm sitting next to that special person who I cared so much. The laughter we shared. The small talk. The conversation. The heart to heart. This person is no longer with me. But on strange nights in random occasion, I think of this person. I don't think I am in love with this person. A lot of things has happened since we been together. But I will always care and cherish the memories we have together.

Healthy Living: Rant-a-thon

A journey. Yes, this is what I call it. It is a journey, a difficult one. A very very difficult one. I think this has been so hard. I'm RANTING. Please don't read the rest. It is just me and my tireself trying to get everything out.

I want to go back to elementary school. Or maybe middle school. Not highschool, that was crazy as hell. Maybe college, but in the good seasons. But really, I HATE THIS. OMG IT SUCK SO MUCH. I know I am very very lucky but REALLY I HATE THIS SO MUCH.

I feel like I am in the middle of nowhere and heading to nowhere. Everywhere everyone is stable living happy lives and playing video games. Me, here I'm just having a really hard time. This journey TO MEDICINE is hard has hell. Oh this suck so much.

Why do i do all of this? I can live a normal life? I can be anyone else.. like a dentist, a lawyer, or maybe a pharmcist, or tech person, so something. I can be so much. I can find a job and do something so much easier. So why.. WHY DO I DO THIS?!?

I have a lot of doubts in myself right now. I question can I make it? I question how can I get there?
I don't understand it.

....you know, tomorrow is one of my patient's birthday. We're trying to get him into this special program that would help him out a lot. He was so happy I called and check-up on him today. He told me tomorrow is his birthday. He was really happy to hear that there is a program that is out there that can help him through some difficult path. We don't know if he will get the program, but I am crossing my fingers for him. He told me "I know why you are calling me and why I am receiving this message today. Its because tomorrow is my birthday."

I don't know, It feels so good. I didn't do much, but I am happy I could be there for him in his own journey. I have met a couple of people today that are going through something very hard in their own lives. They are brave for continue going when not everything is okay.

I guess, I do this because I care. I do this because I see the effect that it can have on another individual. I do this because because I know that nothing that is great will come easy. I know that this will push me and forces me to grow stronger. I know this can make me better. I do this because I have a things to do and places to go. I do this because I am blessed with the opportunity. I do this because I know my parents didn't have it easy. I do this that everyone that come before me and those that come after me will face similar pain and challenges. But it made them into so great individuals, and I want to become something like that. I do this because I know the higher I go, the more power and skills to help and heal.