Wk3: Sick

I'm sick.

Let me HPI myself:

22 f pt with sore throat, cough, fatigue, fever that has been constant for the last 5 days. Sick contacts are her classmates were sick a week back; Progression -warm water make it better; and loud noise make it worse. She also complaint of a headache which is 2/10 with no radiation; she said this flu is constant and progressively worse; associated sx admit fever, fatigue, cough, phelm is yellow-greenish, sore throat; denies tatycardia, night sweats

Lol, I guess that is what my sx looks like. This past week I went to see Aladin, and then stayed in my room for the rest of the week to make up for everything since I am sick. I'm using Cramfigher to study for board but I can barely keep up now since my flu is getting worse. I'm going to see the doctor tomorrow. If anything, I hope I get better and be able to keep up with my classes.

Wk2: Progression

"You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should."

I'm scared. I took a really hard Repro test this Friday, and the score hasn't been released yet. Right now, I'm on double duty. On one side, I'm responsible for Boards stuff and on the other hand, I'm responsible for school materials.

The last exam was drastically difficult. There were questions that I was wondering where did they get it from? In some way, I felt like I really did study for the exam the same way that I would be studying for all other exams. I do not think boards got in the way of my exam studying schedule. But the score has yet to be released, so I can't make the call on yet. I hope it is okay, I hope I will be able to balance, and I hope I will not burnout, and I hope I be able to complete all the task I want to complete before boards.

With school stuff aside, I want to talk about this amazing weekend. I was burning out so hard last week, but this week, I went hiking with my group of buddies. It was truly something. I love it so much. We saw cactus, Joshua tree, eat good lunch in the freezing cold, hike up an old path that I traveled when I was a high school student. Things are truly different now. Back then, I was just a junior in high school and we were backpacking up this highly elevated mountain with our sleeping pads and tents. I was out of shape and wasn't really fit for the climb and I also fell off in one of the clift. Life was very different for me back then. Now, I'm doing a day hike with 2 other fellow buddies. The day was cool and the sky were cloudy. It was perfect for a good climb.

And this time, the climb was not that difficult. I was picking up pace fast and I felt like I had a lot of energy. In some way, I was racing to the top and it was perfect. We made it half way and part of me wanted to continue. However, we were poorly equipped. We didn't have proper shoes, proper clothing, and food & water. We fear the sun was setting soon and we didn't want to hike back down the stop in the cold. We saw the snow and knew how slippy the step could be if it got dark. So, by around 3:30 Pm, we decided to head down. A part of me was sad that we didn't complete the climb, but apart was happy that I was to make the climb. The view was incredible and the air was fresh. I felt like I could finally breathe again after so many days studying.

We made 2 additional stop before heading home; one of which was to watch the sunset and the other was to see the stars.

There are a lot of thoughts I wanted to write about. But maybe, not this time. Its 40 minute past my curfew. But I there is one last thing I would like to say: While looking at the stars, I felt complete. I felt small but big at the same time. It was as if I belong and I am blessed beyond measured.

Healthy Living: Week 11- Finding oneself.

I think this is what I lacked. I really have forgotten about myself. I forgot how to restore my mana/chakra. Now, I'm just a fat potato. But, this weekend, I did spend 4 hours doing something that I use to do. (1) Photo editing.

It was nice because I finally able to edit some old pictures I have taken over the summer. Its one thing taking pictures, its another thing going through it and listening to nice old song. And then, being able to select and edited.

I didn't do too much editing but it was a fun break. I hope this coping strategy works. Next week, I'm going to try something different.

Btw, above is some photo I edited. I really enjoy taking them, and also looking back at them. I realized one thing, I should stop eating past 12 am. I already upload these picture on tumblr, but I really need to update my digital update website.

Healthy Living: Clubbing

Tonight was my first time going clubbing with a group of my girls. We were all buddies and we knew each other since forever. Today, we met up to have a girl's night out. I recently came back from my Vegas trip so I didn't want to drink with my rash going on. So, I was the designated Driver. It was a pretty fun night, and everyone was really chilled.

First and formost, my friends didn't overdress, so my casual outfit fits right in. Thank goodness! When we got to the first bar, it was pretty chill. One of my buddy went all out and she bought everyone the first round. The drink was a size of a fishbowl, which was around $30 bucks! I watched everyone drink and saw their face redden up. Originally, the trip was just going to be 4 of us girls, but another girl tagged along and she was an old high school friend of my buddies. She was cute, and did she attract attention. Or was it just our whole group?

I wasn't sure, but in the first bar, after we got our drinks, a guy approached us. He talked to us as a group but he kinda "pin" in his girl, which was our new friend. He was getting closer and closer to her and talking a lot more. We kinda try to divert our attention to our phones or speak among ourselves so he could leave. He ended up staying for awhile before leaving. That night, he came back several time to our table and eventually, I think by friend said something to him and he got red and left.

After that, we went bar jumping to another bar. It was a chiller bar. There was a lot of peopled dancing and in clubbing clothes. Thankgoodness I dressed up because it was cold. In this second club, we wages our price to get through the doors, while the guys pay so much more. It was a pretty interesting concept to me.

In there, we just got our drinks and sat, we didn't dance as much, because I guess I was pretty shy, and it was pretty late. Another guy slowly approached our group, and talked to us again. He was alot nicer and chiller. By that time, both of my buddies were drunk so they were overly friendly to everyone. They started to make conversation with everyone, and everyone seem to be so approachable. I don't know why, I guess in some way, it seem that most people seem to be opened to be approached and talked to. Some even invite it. It was an intersting things I was able to observed.

As I was there, I didn't really reach out to anyone new, since I didn't really see the purpose. I kinda had my rash, my buddies, and of course, it was my first time, I wasn't going to barged in on anyone. But if there is another chances, I would like to talk to a few more people, I think majority of people were really open to it. Some guys were really nice too.

By 1AM, we got 3 girl buzzed and 1 wasted so it was a good time to called it a night. Time passed by so quick so I barely realized it was already 1:30 by the time we got back to our car. I drove everyone home since they were like babies by that time.

Tonight, was kinda fun. I can see why people do enough clubbing on the weekends. It allows people to loosen up a bit, to hang around with friends, to laugh at their buddies getting drunk, to talk to a few new faces, and just enjoy the night out. The weather tonight was nice too.

I got home around 2AM and showered. I went to played a bit of overwatch since, why not? I had a large tea drink & also another soda. A lot of sugar to burn.

Today was my first time night out. I played it safe, but it was pretty fun and safe. I am glad I had buddies who got to show me around. :)

Digital Update: WK56 - After 2 Years Absent

Its nice to kick start the photoshoot update again. I originally didn't post this due to privacy reason. However, I think its time to start again. I'm bringing sexy back. ;)

I don't upload all of my Digital Update here anymore due to different reason. I'll probably try a new method. Post one picture I like most of that week. For the rest of the pictures can be found on my digital update website. It will be updated every time a new release is out. Then, old pictures will be removed & so new pictures can shine!

Healthy Living: Little ears

Hello,

I was not intended on writing tonight on my blog or anywhere. I am not going to dive into my conditions. I am not going to vent about my progress because it is not time yet.
But I do want to say I missed writing on this blog and sharing my thoughts and feeling.

I was just sittin here tonight wasting nearly 4 hours fumbling around and not getting any work done. And for that time, I wanted someone to talk to. Someone to share my feelings. Someone to saw stuff to about my day and how it went and what i did. (I didn't even do that much)

I was thinking of hitting up my premed buddies.. but I didn't want to talk about medical stuff . I was thinking of hitting up one of my bff, but she is busy day dreaming about her boyfriend & all the magical stuff & lovey dovy stuff. Idk, I really didn't want to bother her, especially since I'm like 100% out of love so I really don't want to rain on someone else sunshine. I'll let her be. So, that left me with online friends, but then I was iffy about it because I'm not "offically" done with my writing process so coming back to talk to these chicas would very bad on my parts.

So, I was like.. um, let talk to parents. But then again, Idk. There are only so much stuff you can share with your mommy and daddy. And eventual, it just not that cool anymore. Idk, I just can't share everything with my parents. I think they have lives and have better stuff than here about me complaining about my progress.

So, I felt all alone. And I was like, well if I have a bf or gf, then that would be so cool, I could talk to them. They will listen. But.. I don't really feel like it thought. It would be nice to date, but I don't think I am in the circumstances to do so, and I really don't want to force it on anyone, or date online. I  don't know. Maybe I'm picky or something. I just don't feel it. I haven't met anyone who I have clicked with or at least past my very high bar standard. I don't know. No chemistry. No rush. No chase. Not yet. So, no on.

so, then I was just crossing off the list of who I can share my thoguhts and feeling to tonight. And AH HAH! I DO HAVE A BABE! Yes, its you.

For all the random people who run on this blog by mistakes, you can be the people who I talk with tonight. I will share with you feelings and thoughts that I would keep private to everyone in my real life. I dont' know why. I just think they don't need to know, and its very personal to me. I guess, this is just another side of me.

So, what do I ahve to share with you tonight? Well, nothing. It's just nice writing this to you. To show you I'm not dead. To prove to myself that I have another system of talking to the world about my thougths and feeling. And just to get ideas and thoughts out of my head so it doesn't' drive me crazy.

I guess, I do have a friend in you. Yes, you random people who stumble on my blog. I hope you can read English, and I don't mind listening to a girl. Just letting you know, your getting VIP accesss into my head.

And for that, I feel a lot better.

Healthy Living: The helping hand

Hope you all are alive.

Healthy Living: Off track or on track.

A million feelings. A Gillions thoughts. All of those possibilities. All of the things that could be, should be, might be, will be are all up in the air.

I am 2 hours pass my bedtime. There is a lot of thoughts and doubt on my mind. I ponder thoughts over and over again. I think of all my decision and moves. I tried to planned all of the outcome to make sure it turns out the way I wanted it. I tried not to get hurt. I think and think. And then, I come to realized, there is so much stuff going on and I can't control every event that happen in my life.

My mom always told me. What will come, will come. And, I so, for tonight, I toss all of my thoughts  up into the air and return them to the stars. I pray for guidance.

Healthy Living: Feeling Inspired

I went to one of my club meeting today. And a special doctor came to talk to us today. I felt really inspired after hearing his story. I want to tell you it. But it's bedtime. This doctor is really something worthwhile. I will dive into more detail another day.

And lastly, my heart feels really good tonight. I am behind with work and there are tons of things to worry about. But, truely, tonight. I feel really inspired at eased. (or maybe, I'm just listening to a really upbeat song right now.) I am a bit behind on blog reading, but I will catch up with it tomorrow.

I spent a majority of today feeling clustered. There was a lot of uneasiness on my mind. I am all over the place. But I found a hint this evening. And, I all the things that were flying around in my hand. They all landed.

Let me leave you with a quote someone shared with me today: "Life events come into our life for a reason."

Healthy Living: A little hard hearted

I am not suppose to be writing this right now. I have so much to do today. My head hurts and I can't seem to work proficiently. I have a slight cold.

I ran across a song on youtube today, and I can't help to sit back and think for a bit. Just to reflect on the things are happening now in my life.

This is a strange time in my life. I am not there yet. And yet, I am not where I use to be anymore. I'm in the middle of everything, and also in the middle of nothing.

My head and heart are in 2 separate path, the world continues to spin, and I keep walking.

Where shall we begin?

I am worried and conflicted. I am unsure. I am contemplating. I stressed. I am sick. I missed some people. I have someone who runs with my joke. I have a roof over my head. My mom cooks me my favorite meal. Dad still manage help me with bills and papers. I went through some stuff in college and I got out of it bit different than before.

At first, I would think that I am a bit " a little hard hearted" after coming out of college. And maybe it has left me this feeling. Where my heart is less malleable then when I came into it. And I contemplate to myself every now and then wondering, why am I still here? I should be doing this and that. I should be applying and sending in my application. I should be doing all the things kids my age are doing right now. Getting their apps in and applying to medical school.

But that isn't me. I am not there. There are still a bit more steps I have not completed yet and that is what seperated me from them. I wonder why, why can't it started? When I see someone with a whitecoat, a part of me wonder when will I ever get there? If will I ever get there? And my heart ache a bit.

And to think about love, my heart is really not what it have been before. I was a kid back then, small and foolished. College taught me something different. It gave me opportunities and taught me something more about myself. I met people who changed my life and give me a better impression how to treat people and how I wanted to be treated in return. I got my little heart crushed in college. But I am also guilty of crushing others.

And coming out of all of it, I still a bit not ready. Not yet. I look at myself and I realized I am on a path. I am far from what I once was, but not yet what I am going to become.

Healthy Living: Mix Feeling

First off, guess what? :) 

I finally got off my butt and got a gym membership. 

I have been studying a lot lately, and sitting for long hours has cause my body to ache and my butt hurts. 

Thus, I thought it is also time to do something and get out of the house. So, I got a gym membership to exercise to prevent any further but pain. 

Also, I'm sleepy. I was going to write something deep tonight. But bedtime. 

Healthy Living: My butt hurt

Mid-day blog.

I been sleeping early these few days.
My butt currently hurt. I think I sit too much and need to walk around a bit more.

I been thinking about stupid things lately. And last night, I did the most stupid things. I went to stalk a friend from college facebook. And ..damn. I really got the feel. Part of me want to cry, part of me is happy, and all of me just feel so pointless.

I know this doesn't make sense. But when I see her, I can't help wonder if my life would have been better if we never met. I wonder, if I could go back and relived part of my college experience, would I have chosen a path to have never met her.

People told me everything happen for a reason. But I can't seem to justified this person in my life. My encounter with her has only brought so much emotion in my life..my heart in pain. It like those unnecessary pain. These feeling comes out every now and then. Of all the rain and clouds, I do not regret my final decision to exit from her life. Love come and love goes. And..so it went.

...

For the picture, this is my hometown. A place that is very far away from where I live now. It is a nice picture.

Digital Update: 9/18/14

Its been awhile.
It's not that I haven't been doing weekly photoshoot. I do take them every other week. However, most are in post-production and I'm to lazy to edit and fix the coloring. But here is this week. I quite enjoy this outfit.

Healthy Living: Productivity..Productivity..Productivity..

So, I am looking my schedule. Checking my progress. Analyzing my work habit. Checking the time of the day. Checking the time I have left. And all I can say is... there is a lot to be done. And yet, I cannot seem to make my day more effective.

I study mostly at home now so this mean I am always on my desk. This puts me off from my normal studying habit because I am at home with my home computer. This mean, I procastinate so much on my computer because I go on all my favorite website.

In conclusion, I am not using my time effectively. The MCAT is coming. If I don't fix this issue, I am really screwd.

With that said, I need to do something to stop myself from distraction & procastination.
So, I am coming up with a new tactic.

GOLDEN RULE:
1. Morning Run (400PT) : consist of a morning practice test simulation (Goal: meet number requirement)
2. BUNDLE CORRECTION (500 PT): a set of committed time to correcting papers w/o computer break/eating break  (systematiclly: 20 min each ps)
3. VB2x (100PT) : another verable run & correction [OPTIONAL]
4. BUNDLE APPLICATION (300 PT): translating test errors into notes & explore unsure progress
w/o computer breaks
5. **The clocking system** = 5 hours of work time per day. (timer certified)

DETAILS: 
1.ALL BUNDLE RUN: needs to be completed away from main computer.
2. No website can be open except for timer.
3. No replying to text.

Recording System: (Myfitnesspal)
1. Calories: Accomplishment point system
2. Weight: Clocked hours

Healthy Living: Something unexpected.

It's late. But I gotta tell you about something.

Today was my first day volunteering at this small clinic. During my service, an old women patient came and give me a kiss on the cheek. I don't know, but it really touch my heart.

Healthy Living: From another Life

It's past my bedtime again. I have a date with the dentist tomorrow. But I'm listening to a song and I can't help but go on here and make this post. I'm gonna be a cheesy cheeseball tonight.

Have you ever met some someone that feels really special to you. You barely know anything about them, but you already know they are important to you. I'm not talking about love at first sight. It's could be someone who you seen around but until that one moment, everything kinda click. And the world kinda twirl for a second, and the everything just seems to revolved around that one person for that one second. And when that moment end, you know your objective. You need to get close to this person. You need them in your life. They are important. Eventhough they don't know it yet, they are very important in your life. It's like you feel you know them from somewhere that is beyond this lifetime. And this is the moment that they are walked into your life again.

Healthy Living: Meeting people

I met some amazing people today. They are only 14, but they are going through something similar to me. We are together in the same journey. In a way, we are just trying to find, love, and accept ourselves in this world that does not yet fully understand. I don’t know. They make me feel less alone in this world.

-Believed it or not, these were the 2 post that these kids made on their tumblr. When I saw this, it really really made my night.

Healthy Living: A part of something

It's late at night again. And I am writing to you this.
I should be in bed. I have been grumpy the past 2 days because I been sleeping at 3AM and waking up at 8AM. I can't handle this anymore. That's why I needed to head to bed earlier tonight.

But I wanted to write before sleeping.
I want to tell you about what has happen in these past few days.
I recently made a new tumblr account and found this online anime community! I met interesting people from all around the world. I liked this community a lot because they share the same interest as me. We watch the same shows, have similar favorite characters, and also we read the same manga. I found a group of people I finally have something in common beside just school and academic. Its relaxing and fun.

I am slowly making friends. These people are a little different from my normal facebook friends. I don't know, but something about them make me included. In a way, it feels different. I know this sound weird, but in a way, I am looking for myself through them. I am still trying to learn more about myself.

I don't know how to describe it. I need someone to show me that its is alright and it is okay to be who I am. And it is a warm feeling to know that I am not alone in this process. There are a lot of people out there in this world going through the same thing as me... because self understanding is a lifetime process.

To think, this reminds me of Jewlz's catch phrase: "Searching ...for Jewlz".

Maybe the night is getting to me and I stop making sense.

MCAT: Progress Update #2: 8/09/14-8/15/14

Update on my MCAT studies. This is kinda late but last week been quite bumpy. I manage to get a few things done though. I don't count Monday-Sunday. This is because this make me slack off and try to make up for everything on Saturday & Sunday. So, I switch my schedule where Saturday is the start of my schedule and Friday is the last day of the week. This way, Saturday and Sunday seems like a fresh start and Monday seems more like those catch-up kinda days.

Either way, what we are looking at is  THIS LAST WEEK REVIEW: 8/09/14-8/15/14
I did show improvement this week regarding my MCAT studies. But I am hoping to pass the 1000 mark each time. Next week goal is to pass 1000 mark for each day.

Digital Update 8/10/14

 

I must say, this was a very successful photoshoot. There were so much shots that I liked that it was difficult to narrow down to the top 20!!! let alone just narrowing down to the top 5. So, for the top 5, I went more with choosing different poses to create more of a variety. Overall, I really like this photoshoot. I haven't felt this good in awhile. But despite how nice the pictures came up, I am have been eating very unhealthy lately. I need to get back to eating greens.