Healthy Living: What keep you going?

So, I am sitting here late tonight. I should be in bed now.
I just want to complain to you how tough it is.

First, I don't know what will become of me. I am hear reading up applications and secondaries statment from college, and honestly, there are some colleges that I feel outright they do not want me.

I don't know, its just.. I feel like i'm fighting against a current and I feel unwanted, unloved, and just an inferiority as a student.

I have self-doubt because I am not perfect. I have a low MCAT score. My GPA is okay. My involvement is okay. My research is good. My letters is good? I dont' know. I feel like a inferior for some reason like I am not good enough.

I feel like nobody wants me. I feel other students are so much better than me. And I am stressed out. I am tired. I feel inadequate. I am alone. I am kinda chubby. I have terrible sleeping habit (but its okay for my writing schedule) My back hurts from sitting on a chair all the time.

I don't know. I just feel its like one competition after another. One obstacles after another. One battle field to the next.

And honestly, I am also sad. I am alone. Before, I would have someone as an eye-candy. Not to date of course, but someone I would crush over, and yes, just someone to admire about. But nobody. On most day, I enjoy this freedom. and someday, I don't. And that is today.

So tell me...

When your in a situation where you are unsure about your future, you feel like you are going agaisnt the current, you feel inadequate and have self doubt, and you are alone, what do you? What keep you going? What make you tick? How do you push forward? Where is your moral compase now?



... What keep you going?

Well, here is my answer. That girl above is a guy. And she was once a boy living in a Japan. There were so much things in her life that pushed here agaisnt herself. She went through so much darkness. She is a transwomen. I am not. But I looked up to her. She went agaisnt the world to get what she wants. And so.. that is my answer. I can't tell you much more. But from here, that is my answer.

Healthy Living: Kinda.. brain dead but.. not wanting to sleep yet...

My dear, its too early in the morning for me to think.. and it is too late in my days to write. I am telling you. I hope you all are lovely & well.

There are something I cannot say. Not here, not to anyone. I don't know. Sometime, I feel that if I say it, it loses it's magic, it loses it affect. It loses it's significant of being something between your mind and your soul.