Healthy Living: The North Star

I moved to Joushua tree today for my OBGYN rotation. I truly hope this is a light rotation because all I wanted was to be able to study. I feel like a mess. My heart hurt and scared at the same time. I meditate today and I still am unable to find peace in my mind. I moved into today to a house out in joushua tree. The host was very kind. I like my room.

Amidst the chaos in my heart and mind, I looked up at the stars tonight Joshua tree, and I finally saw stars for the first. I found the big dipper and I found the direction that pointed north. Tomorrow, I will try to find the North stars.

And I realized that it is going to be okay. I have guidance. I have love and support. I have time. I have energy. I have a direction.

Just like the north stars that have guided so many slave out of slavery and into a brighter future. I hope the north star will guide me in my journey to Step1.

Corner Wall: A flower for Algernon

My team operated on a patient. I don't think the patient will make it. The surgery went well. We did what we could. But the prognosis isn't good regardless how much we worked. I felt like I lost a patient today. She was my first.

I titled this post A flower for Algernon. Algernon is a mouse in this book. Algernon is a mouse.

I know death is a common thing when you work in the medical field. You see people come and go. I guess, as a medical student coming in this field all fresh and green. I just hasn't prepare myself. Or my skin wasn't as thick as I thought.

I feel sad my pt is in bad condition. We did what we can. But we can't play god. I guess we leave the rest to a higher power to take care of her.

I don't think its weak for someone to feel for another, especially for their passing. We are human and death affect us each in different ways. I think it applies to all health care professionals. We have the right to feel and the right to grief over the loss of our patients. As human, we are entitled to our emotions. It's a downside of our profession, but it is also a blessing, to be with our patients at the end of their journey.

Its a honor and gift to be here and to have such experience tonight. My surgeon was right, when he turned to me and said "You'll never forget this." I don't think I ever will. I will carry with me on my journey to become a physician.