I came across this quotes today, and I wanted deeply to pour my feelings and my thoughts into someone or something. And then I think of you, my dear, anonymous readers, who has seen me grown through all of these years.
This is not an introduction to me to begin to write about my life again on this journal again. But perhaps, it is. There are a few things I must remove to completely remain anonymous as my profession requires for me to keep my identity a secret.
To celebrate, it seems that the suffering and the hardship that I have undergone these past few years have came to fruition. I am now, almost, a physician. Three more months until my long white coat will be roaming the hospital floors. It is truly a dream come true. I passed all of my required boards. I suffered a Clinical skill exam failure, which almost jeopardized my ability to match this year. But with the help from up above,
Grace steps in an rescued me. I passed all my boards on time, qualified for the match, and matched into my #2 choice of a hospital. It is 2 hours away from my family. I loved the teaching faculty, the residents, the hospitals, and the opportunities that it entices. But the that would meant saying goodbye my school, my friends, and the comforts that entitles with being a medical student.
It means... the end. The people who I am grown to love, suffered for, and shared my ups and down with will be off on their own journey. Some hours away or states away. The girl who I liked for the past 4 years will also be departing. I am bummed. Yes, bummed really. I had 4 years to make something work, but nothing I did worked, all my attempts failed. I ended getting blocked. Am I still blocked? I don't know.
And you would think, that this whole post is about her. Honestly, it would have been. But in this post, I am losing too much.
One of my best friend from med school is going to be 9 hours away from me and then she is moving to Oregon to be with her soon-to-be-fiance. Another close friends of mine who always been my inspiration is now moving several states away to train to be a surgeon. And then, I broke my college mentor heart when I chose a different speciality than the one his residency offered. He was a kind man. He wanted to help those that are less fortunate. His visioned was for me to be part of that journey with him. He wrote my letter of recommendation to medical school, begged my Alma Mater to offered me and interview to Medical school, vouched for me to get an residency interview at his place, and only for me to not match at this place. It broke his heart. And through writing this, it would have been viewed as if I had betrayed him.
No words I can write to convinced you otherwise, other than to hope in the smallest corner of your heart, I hope you understand that I want to be an Internal Medicine Physician. I hope he can forgive me. I felt a calling to the field of Internal Medicine. Never in this world would I ever want to hurt or disappoint him. I hope that as much as he felt his calling in Family Medicine, he would forgive me to pick the speciality of my choice. And my mission has not changed, to continue work and served others. Just in a different specialty, but in the same realm of medicine.
As my matched day was canceled and my graduation cancelation seem more eminent, I do not have much to hold onto in term of the festive, celebrative emotions. Many lives were lost, and many more lives will follow suit with the spread of COVID-19. During the time in which innocent lives are lost, there is no greater moment to realized the great role of medical providers. Medicine is a much needed field and I am glad to have been accepted, welcomed, and to be stepping into this field as a physician.
Thank you for being with me through this journey. Thank you. Thank you. I made it!
