I am reflecting tonight. Tomorrow is the first day of therapy. I decided to get myself a therapist to help me sort through things in life. Some how, tonight really takes me back to a time before medical school. A time when medicine is just a dream. The thought and yearning of becoming a physician. It is a much more innocent time. It was college.
Things has really changed. It was hm... the year 2010-2014. What a time to be in college. I remember starting UCI and driving far way from school. New friends. New faces. New people. It was the time when I was trying to figure my life out. I was headed toward medicine given my clubs. I remember Daphne.. She was my college crush. She was smart and pretty. It was the first time I had a girl crush. She truly was my official girl crush. She had a high school boyfriend. All I could do was admire her from afar. I wonder how she is doing now. The last time I heard of her, I believed she is now a psychiatrist. Hoping she is doing amazing things and helping people feel better.
And then there is lynh. She was probably the first girl I realized liked me. I could sense she liked me. But then again, she had a boyfriend. It made me super confused. It put me through hell for a good year, when I was questioning my sexuality. Oh, it was no fun. It was so rough but I was glad I had my friend linh to help me nagivate through things. Linh was the first friend I ever came out too. She accepted me and taught me it is okay to be me. Well, I like to share good news that both lynh and Linh are happily married. They eventually me the man of their dream. Linh has 2 beautiful children. And lynh just got started. But I am so happy for them both. Knowing they both had a happy ending bring warmth to my heart.
Well, that is all my college crush. Oh, med school and residency was another journey of its own. I am sure you have heard all about the people I met.
But, one more person. If I were to met in college, I would have fallen in love with her no doubt. That is Jennifer. I didn't met her until residency through a dating app. She was only looking friends and a friend I was to her indeed. Nothing more, promised. But wow, she was my dream girl. Someone you put on a poster and hang it up. She was smart, pretty, and she likes girl. She is a real pal. And.. yes, you guess it! She has a girlfriend when I met her. But I'm glad and would not have it any other way. She was the shinging star I needed her to be for me during my dating journey. There were some pretty dark nights when I felt so alone. Knowing someone like her exit really help me keep going. If Jennifer exist, then there surely is someone out there for me.
And finally, on an unbeknownst day in windy city of Chicago, she showed up.
