Healthy Living: I know I will miss this stage of my life.

I saw this years ago and did not believe it. Now I missed the innocence of high school, the age of exploration in college, and I believe I can appreciate the uncertainty of this stage too. 

Healthy Living: Our Expectation

It's getting me. Everyone, life's expectation is getting to me. I feel like i'm drowning in it. Or really bother by it. Its getting to me.

I don't think I know how to live life properly. Throughout my high school and college life, I have been so focus on school and working hard. I wanted the good grades, the high achievement, the outstanding positions in life. I am always searching, fighting, reaching, climbing, and moving forward. And I am doing that now, and sometime, it seems like my life is a checklist. Like I have certain items to complete and go get them done. And for a time it was like that.

When I was aiming for medical school, I needed to do well on my test, go to lecture, do my lab report, volunteer, and all the millions of things that is expected of a premedical student. And in a way, I did all of those thing. And, many of these task are big obstacles and I have struggled and cried. But now, as a I reach to this point in my life, I feel like ... I don't know. I feel odd.

I feel like I need to do the big things in life, like travel, get into a relationship, get a career, married, children, and family. That like the goals for most of my friends and what my parents wanted for me. And I liked that for myself too. But I don't know, I just don't want to complete these important in my mission to search it out and complete. I don't know. I feel odd.

I been feeling uneasy these days. Its so odd. I cannot put it into words of what is bothering me. I feel so odd. Maybe its my anticipation of the next chapter my life. I know it is coming. Whatever the path is, it is fated I walked it. I hope and pray that life and Buddha is kind to me.

I'm waiting for a decision. I'm waiting for a school.

Healthy Living: My attempt to write about love

Here I will attempt to write about love. Lol, who am I joking, I think I am the last person to write about it. But, I would like to share something. I want to share about a different kind of love. A friendship form of love. I truly love these people as friends.

Two years ago, I was blessed to meet a group of individuals who I came to know online. They were incredible people that I never knew I needed. They play a very important role in my life and my developement as a individual. I haven't truly proud of who I am. Being with these friends changed that. They made me proud of who I am, they provided me with a community. It was more than any girl could ask.

But eventually, things did go wrong, and things did fall apart. Some friendship were lost and torn. In all of this, I have made several enemies, and in some ways, I might have brought others to believe that I view them as enemies also. However, this is untrue. You see, the way my thoughts and my behavior work is very different from the way I choose to act out my intentions. But again, you are reading my blog so, I might have First person bias. But, let me just honest with you, I really do not mean harm.

With that idea, today, I attempted to talk to a friend. Little to my surprised, I was block by this person. I was hurt when I realized it. I knew it would happen, but it still hurt when I saw it for myself. For a second, I sat still and frozen. I was hurt and sad how our friendship could have fallen to this state. With this notion, I realized I wasn't a saint myself, since I have also blocked people out of my life. I wonder the people I blocked must have think when they realized I deleted them.

And it made me think.

I was hurt that one of my old friends has blocked me. But then again, I have and still blocked others people from my life. And I wonder, did I blocked these people from my life because I hated them? Did I block them because I held a grudge against them? Did I block these people from my life becaue I wish them unhappiness?

And the answer is no.

In my past, I have never really block anyone out of hatred. I blocked them to keep them away either for their own good, or for my own safety. I never and still do not hate them, I do not grudge them or wish them unhappiness. I built a wall to keep them out because it was for myself. I needed to heal. I need to repair my broken parts because I knew nothing good can come out of us being together. Either I will cause them more pain or they will cause me more pain. I wanted peace for both of us, thus, that why I block people, to put space and distance between us so I can find my own way. It was never truly about them, but it was always about me.

I guess, in my actions, I am selfish. Selfish for my own good and desire to find my own and move on. In the very root of the reason, it was not about them, but all about me.

So, here, I looked at a friend who has blocked me. I am hurt, but maybe, just maybe, this isn't all about me or the things I have done wrong. Maybe it was for her, for her to find their own way and move forward with her lives. I have to admit, I really love this friend of mine. She was a really good friend to me when we were still buddies. I will miss her, but I think she is going through a very hard time right now in life. So, if with my absent from her life could help her achieve peace and overcome her difficulties, I will be gladly do so. I guess, for me, I will wait. Maybe one day if she comes around, we can be friend again. If not, it is okay, because she was a good friend, and I'll keep her in my heart, and pray that her dark days is behind her, and her heart will be mended anew.

Maybe what we all need is to move on. To move forward with our lives, deal with our emotions, go through the hurdles, and get to the other side.

Healthy Living: Preparing for the Summer

Preparing for Summer.

Time is definitely flying quick. There are a few changes that is happening. I will not released the news yet, but changes is surely coming. Thus, in regards to such changes, I am making preparation.

There are 2 things that will be changing. One, I will be leaving my leadership positions in my clinical volunteer program as well as my outreach volunteer programs. There are great students who will step up to take these position and I have high hope that they will carry the programs to new height. I can't wait to see what they will do with the programs next year. But as of now, I am stepping down in my process to pursue other things in the future.

This leave a bitter sweet feeling in my heart. I have been with one program for 6 years and the other one for 2 years. It is bitter sweet to step down, but I think its time to let go. As a result, for my outreach program, I am now holding a leadership meeting with 2 volunteers who will be taking my position next Fall. In addition, I am ending my clinical experience starting June 1st. I clock out of the clinic and ending my volunteer experience there.

To be honest, it feels so odd because things are ending. For one of my volunteer program, we are holding our End of the Year party, and saying goodbye to students who are leaving. I can't believe it is almost over. Before, it has not hit me yet, but now things are slowly spiraling down. It is almost time.

As for the second changes, I am preparing the paperwork for my Summer Camp Program. I am excited to begin the summer program again because it is such a wonderful experience. I had a great time being a coach last summer, and now I am returning. This will essentially be my summer vacation. (I Hope!) Six years ago, I started this summer program as a students. Throughout my college experience, I became the coach and participated in the program ever year. And now, I am heading to my last season as a coach. I don't know if I will have the opportunity to coach again after this, but I hope this one will go well.

I am writing this tonight because I have just completed filling out my coaching paperwork. I have sented it to my Admin. Summer is rolling. Summer is coming.

Healthy Living: Time moving

I was browsing through Tumblr tonight, and I stumped on a spanish blog. It's title was: "¿No crees que la vida va muy rápido? Vive los momentos "

In English it meant "Don't you think that life pass very rapidly? Live the moments"
And in a way, life does pass very quickly.

There has been some changes in my life. I have not made proper announcement yet because I am still waiting on a school. But things are definitely changing for me. I am moving away.

Its not going to happen until a few more months but I am moving away and living on my own now. It has not hit me yet, but today, I am now looking into apartments and SO NOW... it kinda getting to me. I can't seem to wrapped around the idea that I'm growing up. I'm becoming somebody. Its a scary thought.

Healthy Living: Living Healthy?

Where have I been lately? Well, I have been well. I'm currently playing a video game for a week now called Dragon Age Origin. Its amazing. I'm almost about to beat the game. I like to talk about it soon after I complete the game.