Healthy Living: Man in High Heels - Movie afterthough

Man in High Heels.

I treated myself to a movie tonight. It 3:32 AM, and I'm still up. I wonder why I do this to myself. I will probably already have a lot of sleepless night ahead of me. But you know, I want to stay up and watch this movie. It makes my gay little heart very very happy. I love gay content in entertainment. And this one is especially a very good movie. I loved it because its captures very well the feeling and heartache of someone who was born in the wrong body.

I actually think its very rare for to find a movie this good created from an Asian entertainment industry. Movies like this doesn't appealed much to mainstream audience. But its means the world to those that lives that life, a life that is not so easily accepted by society. I love every inch of the movie.
The movie captured the pain of what it meant to be different, and to hide it, and live a double life. To be who you are not to the world, and to hide your real self behind close doors. To suffer silently and to struggled with one identity. It depicted these emotions very well. It showed how LGBT individual are bullied, self harmed, and self hatred. Its depicts a man torned between his life as a man, and his desired to be true to himself, and become a women. He is the manliest of man. He is the baddest and cooliest guy on the block. But his far most kept secret is being a woman. Inside, he identity as a female. He loves a man. And nobody would really suspect from looking at him and the way he acts in real life.

What I loved most about the movie is that at the very end, it depicts a very important theme. It shows that, we cannot changed. This kind of thing is intrinsic to our heart and soul. Our sexuality and identity is one of the part that make us who we are. It a special trait.

At the very end, I loved it. I recommend it to anyone who is LGBT, or just anyone who want to watch a good movie and experience what it is like to be different. Okay, I'm really going to peace out now.

At the end of the day, the person you have to lived with is yourself. You can't lie to yourself.

Healthy Living: A week summary

I think, from now on, I am going to write a week summary. Throughout this week, I have done a lot of things that make me want to sit down and write about. But then again, I have like so much material and work to do, so I never really did find the time for that. Thus, I choose not to do so.

But it is the weekend today, and I have completed my first exam. After that, I went home on Friday just to relax with parents, and came back on Saturday to clean up the house. Did I get any work done so far? Um.. nope. I hope this doesn't come back to bite me this coming week. But man, grad school is really a blister.

With that said, with so much going on with grad school, I still feel that I need a little pocket hole. Something to keep me alive, something to speak to me, something to allow me to unplug, breathe. And I guess, there are few things in my life that I could tell you that are important to me.

Through the past few weeks away from home, I missed my parents terribly. We skyped everynight, but I still missed them. Talking to them is one of the favorite part of my day. That is one of my bubble. Another one is my gayness. Being an lgbt individual, I am surrounded with a lot of straightness in the world. But, I always enjoy a night scrolling through tumblr, reading update my lgbt tumblr follower, and also watching some gay movies or even gay anime, warms my little heart. It just so amazing. I get so nervous and excited when one character confessed to another. I squeel like a little girl. I guess watching gay content make my heart smile.

Thats a few things I can think tonight. I need to go to sleep now, but somehow, I just don't want it to end, because I know tomorrow, I will be preparing for the upcoming week. Tomorrow, I will be a grad student. But tonight, I have no titled, no responsibility, no obligation. I get to sit here and write my own blog.

Healthy Living: 2nd week of grad school

I finished my 2nd week school. It was not easy, the work load is intensed!
School has really exhausted me. But, I want to keep the flame going for this blog, because it is one of the only thing I can freely expressed myself.

I don't know what to say about this week. It went fast? Or was the material delievered to us really fast. It was crammed in and pushed forward. Exhuasted, yes, I am. But I don't expect nothing less from grad school. I usually have a lot of thoughts to say, but tonight, i want to just sit and chill. School really did me good this week.

I chosed to put this picture because it really is what we are doing currently right now in class. There is so much to tread through, and honestly, I don't think you can do it alone. You need people, those that keep pushing, and you keep pushing, and each motivating each other to move forward.

What I learned from this 2nd week is that - I'm not alone. There just so much people feeling the same feel. We are scared. We are exhuasted. We are all going to push forward together.

Healthy Living: Anatomy Lab

I met my first patient today. It was our first anatomy lab. On the doorway before the lab, it said " We privilege few who enter here, embrace with dignity and respect". Our first patient, even in death, provided us with his body to teach us the intricacy of anatomy. I am thankful.

Healthy Living: Exhausted

Yesterday was an emotional day. Yesterday was the start of my graduate school life experience. It is also the day that I officialy entered my school and leave behind all the thoughts of others. It came with both joy and sadness.

For me, I wanted to go graduate school in my university that I attended for undergrad. I was on the waitlist there and I was waiting for when they called me. Yesterday was the day that everything ended. The waitlist stopped and everything falls to pieces. Since it was my top choice school, I felt this pain inside. Seeing my old high school mate get into that school but I didn't make me feel really sad and disappointed of not getting into my first choice. I understand if a lot of people can't relate to this feeling, but the school that never called me, being my first choice, and not getting selected, hurts me. It brought me pain.


But then again, during that time, I did remember advice a second year student did give me. He gave my incoming class on the topic of how to survive grad school, and one of the things he said was.. "let it go".

I felt a bond and a connection to him because for one thing, he was my Bio Academic Peer tutor back in undergrad. When I was a lonely little sophmore in college, he was our tutored in 3rd year. Seeing him as a 2nd year at my new school, and seeing him giving advice on how to survive and thrive in this new environment gave me a lot of hope. It brought 2 great significant things in my life.

First it was, "hey, he was the role model I looked up to while in undergrad, and now he's here. I guess, I'm not that dumb since I am also in a similar school environment as he is. Maybe I am in a better spot then I actually give myself credit for." And also, "If he can thrive here, and break boundaries, then I feel like I can do the same." And suddenly, without ever introducing myself to the guy, or even approached him, he's somehow became my role model all over again.

Secondly, during his power point presentation, he gave my class a special advice at the very end. It was "let it go". I didn't really quite sure what he meant in his slide, but right up the the part when I was driving home from my school celemony. I understood. It was to let go. Let it go of the things I cannot changed, and accept the course that my life will lead. To let go of the sentiment of going to my almatur school. It was the accept that road in my life has fade. I didn't wanted it to be this way, and if I got to choose, I pick my alamtur school. But I don't. My life has lead me to this path in my road, and with a bitter swallow and the pain in my chest, I had to let it go. It was a necessary step to move forward and survive.

But as one sun set, another rise. It almost like something need to end, in order for another to being. And with that, I welcome my new school, my new family. I am fortunate enough to be accepted to a grad school in the US. It wasn't my top choice. I didn't know everything about it when I was going in. I decided to apply to this school because I have seen good professional comes out of this school.

I don't know too much about the road ahead. And to be very honest, I'm kinda scared where my road might take me. I am not sure what will become of my profession  in a few years. Will it improved or fade away. For all I know, it is not an immediate concern for me. I'll let the leaders and representative of my art to be my spokeman, and they will do their best to clear the road for us humble students. My job now is to learn and study, for the world will be a different place when I become a physician.