Yesterday was an emotional day. Yesterday was the start of my graduate school life experience. It is also the day that I officialy entered my school and leave behind all the thoughts of others. It came with both joy and sadness.
For me, I wanted to go graduate school in my university that I attended for undergrad. I was on the waitlist there and I was waiting for when they called me. Yesterday was the day that everything ended. The waitlist stopped and everything falls to pieces. Since it was my top choice school, I felt this pain inside. Seeing my old high school mate get into that school but I didn't make me feel really sad and disappointed of not getting into my first choice. I understand if a lot of people can't relate to this feeling, but the school that never called me, being my first choice, and not getting selected, hurts me. It brought me pain.
But then again, during that time, I did remember advice a second year student did give me. He gave my incoming class on the topic of how to survive grad school, and one of the things he said was.. "let it go".
I felt a bond and a connection to him because for one thing, he was my Bio Academic Peer tutor back in undergrad. When I was a lonely little sophmore in college, he was our tutored in 3rd year. Seeing him as a 2nd year at my new school, and seeing him giving advice on how to survive and thrive in this new environment gave me a lot of hope. It brought 2 great significant things in my life.
First it was, "hey, he was the role model I looked up to while in undergrad, and now he's here. I guess, I'm not that dumb since I am also in a similar school environment as he is. Maybe I am in a better spot then I actually give myself credit for." And also, "If he can thrive here, and break boundaries, then I feel like I can do the same." And suddenly, without ever introducing myself to the guy, or even approached him, he's somehow became my role model all over again.
Secondly, during his power point presentation, he gave my class a special advice at the very end. It was "let it go". I didn't really quite sure what he meant in his slide, but right up the the part when I was driving home from my school celemony. I understood. It was to let go. Let it go of the things I cannot changed, and accept the course that my life will lead. To let go of the sentiment of going to my almatur school. It was the accept that road in my life has fade. I didn't wanted it to be this way, and if I got to choose, I pick my alamtur school. But I don't. My life has lead me to this path in my road, and with a bitter swallow and the pain in my chest, I had to let it go. It was a necessary step to move forward and survive.
But as one sun set, another rise. It almost like something need to end, in order for another to being. And with that, I welcome my new school, my new family. I am fortunate enough to be accepted to a grad school in the US. It wasn't my top choice. I didn't know everything about it when I was going in. I decided to apply to this school because I have seen good professional comes out of this school.
I don't know too much about the road ahead. And to be very honest, I'm kinda scared where my road might take me. I am not sure what will become of my profession in a few years. Will it improved or fade away. For all I know, it is not an immediate concern for me. I'll let the leaders and representative of my art to be my spokeman, and they will do their best to clear the road for us humble students. My job now is to learn and study, for the world will be a different place when I become a physician.
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