Healthy Living: Something gotta give

I woke up this morning, and cried a bit. How silly of me. I know why I been so miserable last night, and for so many other nights. I been overworked, overstressed, lack sleep, and my performance isn't where I want to be. In addition to that, my health is not the best so that really put a slump in my buss.

But then I woke up this morning. I am well rested, I had my 7 hours of sleep. But that meant, that I slept in for 2 hours already, and probably late on all the work I was suppose to do. But then, it just hit me that I am miserable because I came with a really wrong expectation of school.

I mean, I came into grad school not really having much expectation other than the fact that is suppose to be hard. But my goodness, the true grip of grad school really hit my expectation out of the ballpark. Not only was there so much to do, your suppose to do it everyday, and be fast, and be good with it. When the test comes, you are expected to be ready. Expected to performed and excelled. Or at least, that's the mentality I give to myself.

And I don't know, maybe because I didn't have any expectation at all, I felt so behind and beat up with the schedule given to us. In addition to that, I am a slow in term of making studying, so this drag my schedule down so much more.

So, with that said. I felt miserable at my new school. It is really hard. And I don't think it is suppose to be easy. Why did I come here expecting what I would expect back in undergrad? How foolish of me to compared my current life with those that are not in the profession.

This profession has its own culture, work ethic, and lifestyle. I am at the beginning of everything. I am not used to the work load. Heck, I'm not even used to living alone. I haven't figure out how to take care of myself completely yet. I am only beginning. This rough start is making all my progress all so difficult. I guess, I need to change my perspective on what grad school and not to compared myself to the life of others. In addition, I need to learn to navigate between the water of "overwork", and "being behind", and build pockets of air for myself to breathe and survive.

This isn't suppose to be easy.