Healthy Living: Living it forward

I just recently got back from my thanksgiving break. I was going to write a post over the weekend, but I didn't find the chance to do so. I guess, it was because I was way too exhausted from school that I just wanted to catch some fresh air with my family and friends.

This weekend, I did really enjoy myself. It was quite fun seeing my old friend, eating good food, and bond with my family. One of my cousin is applying to PA school right now and she is going through a lot of stressed. Damn, I remember the feeling, and if you walked through it with me, you probably seen how crazy the processes has been. She got a couple of interview so I congratulated her. These kind of things are tough, and nobody really truly appreciate the difficult process of obtain an interview unless you have probably apply yourself. So, I bought into the habit of congratulating people at the interview. It is still a quite achievement in my mind.

But we're not here to ramble about my cousin. What going on in my life? Well, the break was so good that I didn't want to go back. I didn't want to go back to something that challenged me, and put me on the edge and take me into a wirlwind. I just didn't want to be worked to the bone again, after such a great break. But then, during this break I watched Yuri on Ice. It a gay show about male ice skater. And you know what, it brought back the fire in me. It help me defined what is passion. It reminded me of what its like to want something, and what it mean to love something even though it pushes you off the edge. It reminded me of something deeper and stronger than the struggle that I have endured for so far.

In one of the episode, the main character came in last at a world tournament. The episode started with him crying in the bathroom of the tournament. He was then insulted by younger player. Then, he saw his idol who he competed with and he could see that he is in a completely different level from them. They were too far ahead, too far stronger, and better than him. He left the arena for a whole year and went home. I expected him to have given up. I expected him to be lazy and just give up on his dream. But what shocked me was that after he arrived home, he went to the ice ring to practice skating.

From here, it just clicked in me. To me, it made sense. He love to skate. He love being on the ice and doing his thing. He love what he did. Sure, he wanted to succeeded. Sure, he wanted to be on top. Sure, it wanted it all. But at the very bottom, he loved skating truly down to his very bone.

And it reminded me of an interesting youtube comment I found awhile ago. I shall share it here.

"A true passion is a part of you, it’s not just something you do for fun. You do it when it hurts, when you fail over and over again and it tears you to pieces but you just keep going anyways because it’s so core to your being that not doing it would mean that you as a person would no longer be yourself if you stopped. Passion is never giving up. If giving up your “passion” is an option to you, then you weren’t passionate in the first place. “ - Youtuber

This was what the first episode of Yuri on Ice meant to me. And from there, it rekindled my sparks.

Healthy Living: For what's its worth, keep pushing on

For what's it worth. You can do it.

Healthy Living: Something more

What week is this? But that's not the point. Lets get to the point. I had dinner today outside in the garden. It took myself out to my apartment complex and had a dinner under the stars. It was quite nice since I have been stuck inside the whole day studying. My apartment room does not have a functional window. It has 2, but I am too afraid to open it because I was afraid of spider crawling. Either, way, I live withthe A/c on 24/7. My eletricle bill is quite high.

But that's also not the point.

Then what is the point? Well, After sitting outside today and having dinner, I was able to look up at the sky and look up a the moon. I saw the clouds wrapped around the moon, and I don't know, I can't help feel something. At that time, I was also on the phone too, and my mom was singing to me. And at that moment in time, while looking up in the sky, I could feel that there is something more to this world.  I felt that there is so much stuff happening in my life, and lifes of others. That there is this ultra force of the universe, colliding, and splitting. Its like a chain of fate and the events that will be unfold and waiting to unfold. I know I don't make sense, and I am typing too fast to slow down. But I FELT there was something so much bigger than this world that I am in. There is more to life than just med schoool. THere is more to earth than what we believe. THere is this great universe out there,and all the interchangeable things that will happen, and when it does happen, create unfolding and rippling effect all over our lives. And that I am sitting here, eating outside tonight, at that very particular destination, in that one sequence in time, I am able to see the cloudes wrapping around the moom, and i just felt that there is something so much bigger than I could ever imagined. Its like a force of nature. I don't know.

Healthy living: You Can Do This!

You Can Do This!

I did it. I pass. I scrapped the passing line. But god damn, it made it.

Healthy: The Hard Hours

I'm going through hard time right now for grad school. But then again, when did I not go through a hard time? In this dark times, I realized something important. First, nobody is more dissapointed in me than myself. But nobody has been let down and hurt about my life and performance than myself. I have constantly let myself down, drop the ball, look like an idiot, and make every possible mistakes in the book as a student. But then again, nobody work for me more than myself. Nobody tried for me more than myself. It was my ass that get myself out of bed in the early morning, sleeping late, dealing with the stressed, and juggle a million pieces, and the ball come-- be expected to performance and do it well. Nobody go down in the dirt for me than myself. So as much I am not happy about my current situation, I realize that the self love, the love I have for myself, and the thing it has willing go for me, to hell and back. I am proud, And I happy. And with these broken pieces, unrealized future, and daunting path, I will not be alone.

*(This statement does not include my parents)