I wonder who idea it is as the story progressed this way.
"Unbeknownst to us all, things are unfolding exactly has it should"
I would have say, I would have never imaged myself living in my friend house in my early 30s. I am coming close to the end of my training and bridging to my career. Its feels odd to be writing this because not long ago I was in love. That love fell apart and left my heart broken for many months. I use that time diligently to focus on my studies and prepare for my exam. After taking my exam, I was left with the feeling of what happen next.
Its been 6 months since the start of my board preparation and the break up of my relationship. I love the girl dearly and still now, even a part of me yearns for her. I see her everywhere. I see her in the movies, the groceries stores where I frequent, and hoping and wondering if I would bump into her. But I think that is just part of me trying to hold onto what is familiar, what I am used to.
Growing up and branching out is not easy, not when the familiarity and comforting patterns and old habits seem so much easily to fall back on. I say this is because I am single in a new city that I barely explore. I made a few new friends here and there, but still feels like a new person in a new city.
Today is another day that brings me with a lot introspect. I am going on a date today. With a girl. I wonder if I am truly ready for this. Is my heart fully ready to accept and feel something again for someone? In some ways, I think it has. I do find myself thinking about this girl slowly day by day. Good vibes comes to me when I think of her. She surely is something a bit of odd, but still good vibes. I don't know how we will be. I don't think she is someone I would rushing into with emotions again. I think after my last breakup, sometime, I wonder when my heart will work again.
I am scare going on this date. I am not sure if I am fully ready for her. I think if there were something to start, it would start slow. I am already taking my time to slowly get to know her day by day. Trying my best not to impede on the girl, but still be somewhat revelant to her life. I wonder what she really thinks about me. I low key liked her to see other people too so that way it gives her breathe of perspective of her suiters. For I, am only one of those suitor. I have not yet desire her to be all of mine; and I think at this time, with the emotional state that I am still residing, asking anyone to be fully mine would be selfish.
My last love did not last. I still see the ghost of my ex. I still ponder about my emotional and mental health. My career path has not yet all that stablized. But, I am still turning this wheel of life. The story must go on. I know that I can still meet others and date others when I am not yet fully commit to them just yet. It takes time for my feeling and emotions to heal. But healing and letting are all in the same process. Turning the wheel and pressing forward with myself, introduction to new characters and plot line are some way signal of a new chapter and episodes.
I never knew my break up would have launched me to a new chapter that I did not expect or in some way, fully prepare for. But as much as it takes away, life has also add. I became closer to my friends. I feel less lonely on the weekends with their company. I made new friends and gain new perspective. And in some way, I feel like, I myself have changed. The breakup has really changed me. I feel like I am more reserved. I guess, when you got your heart broken once, you might want to be a little bit more caution to avoid getting it broken again. And then I wonder, do I have a wall now too? hahaha
But that all being aside, I feel good vibe over this girl. Really, she seems a little bit stronger in term of her wants and needs. Will we strike a balance or one is more over power than others. I just feel like, the wheels are turning, and life is moving forward, as it should.
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