Healthy Living: 4AM Post

That's right everyonne, it's 4:19AM. I should be in bed. But, I would like to say something very important. Today, I completed OCHEM PT2. I'm sure this doesn't seem to mean anything to you guys, but I understand. But for me, this is a completion of the most difficult ochem chapter for me. I spent the whole day with this one, and wrestle myself all around. Then, I faced 2 hours of complete panic and then another hour of wild goose chase. I'm just a mess all over to be honest.

But finally, I sat down, and did the most important thing a girl need to do at this age. I CRACK OPEN that ochem chapter and read it all. It took forever, and really long with difficult terms. But by the end, I manage to understand a gist of what is going on. And for once, things made a bit more sense. I wasn't look at a page full of alien markings, but instead a list full of reaction.

Now, it is way too early to say anything about today's work. But I feel like, I have understand Ochem a bit a better and I am pleased. And it's morning, but I'm going to rest. Because tomorrow, I'll post to you newly updated MCAT practice score.. and also tomorrow, I continue following my calender.

I hope everything will be okay.

Healthy Living: Cold Feets

 

So, I'm finally on Spring Break! :)
Time to hit the beach.... chill in the sun... and maybe go up to the mountain for some little snowboarding? :D haha.. noooo!! Not yet. I will go to the beach & hit up those mountains. But not this time, not yet.

In very soon, I will be taking the MCAT. I have been studying for it all winterbreak, and a bit during the winter quarter. Now, I am hoping to spend my spring break to catch-up, dedicate the first month to prepaing, and taking it next month.

However, there is something quite interesting that happen lately.. I am practicing to write with both of my hands. I am by nature right handed, but I am really trying to be able to write both hand. This will come in handy when it comes to finals week when I have to write out my notes. It was a pain writing out 3 months of notes for 3 whole classes in a few days. So, I am practicing to write 2 hands.

Also, It has been really stressful lately. I just finished my final week and it was really sressful for me. And I finally am on break. I am trying not to burn out so I'm trying to take things slow after my testing period. But, then again, I know pretty soon I am going to head back studying for the MCAT. For some reason, I am scare of the test, but then again, I feel like its something I have to go through.
              

Previously, I was typing something on this blog, but the original post was deleted because I am scare what I was even typing. And I can only sum it up as I am scared about the decision that I am about to make. The things that I am about to do. I mean, I really want to be a physican, but I am very scared. There is a lot that worried me. For instance, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of rejection, the fear of how my life might turn out if things did work out.. you know what I mean?  What happen if things doesn't turn out the way I imagine? I don't know, I'm just a little scared of anything and everything. This isn't the first time really. I went through a similar phase when I was choosing my major in college. Hm.. what did I do to make all of these doubts go away back then?

1. It was the summer premed program. 2. It was my first class of biology in college. 3. It was the professor in the 2nd biology class in college. 4. It was the TA in my 3rd biology class in college. 4. It was doubt I had with my sexuality and the fear of being unsure. 5. It was the 5th biology class in college that I almost failed because I didn't study until 2 day before the exam. 6. It was that amazing feel I felt when I was reading through that bio textbook and when my professor was lecturing, that make me go "wow, I can't believe our body did all of that."

I guess, at the stage where I am at, there isn't really much I can do with these doubts and fear. I mean, I was very worried like this when I was thinking of my major in college. But I realize that sometime, we can spend days thinking about issue like this and dwell over all these fears. But really, you'll never know if you like something until you try it.

So back then, I give sometime and put some thought in choosing my major. Then, once I picked it, I went head on in. There was not point of dwelling over the fear of things not working out. Because really, I didn't know I loved Biology until I actually took biology in college and have gone through my struggles. So here, I think about this career thing. 

I mean, I have made my decision. I want to go after something, and so, it is time to dive in. There shouldn't be much more thought about it. Because, not until I am actually in the position and facing it head on, I will never really be free of doubts and fear.

Healthy Living: True to yourself

I'm not sure why I am writing tonight. But first, I want to thank Jewlz for the great advice and encouragement. It really means a lot! :)

So, I just finished editing one part of my essay tonight and it ended kinda late.. around 2AM ish. Now, I know, I need to march myself off to bed as soon as possible, but I really want to unwind a little bit tonight. I thought I might visit facebook, but to be honest, nothing smooth me then writing on this blog. It is afterall the place I let out my feeling late at night.. ahahaha.

And so, tonight, there is a lot on my mind. Specially, I am thinking of my feelings. You see, I sometime ponder about life. I mean, I wonder if I wasn't living the life that I am living today, would I still want to be a doctor? I mean, would I be who the person that is reflecting to you tonight? I mean, I hear that circumstances and living condition can shape a person.

Today, I watched a video of one of my favorites singer-Charice. However, she recently came out as a Lesbian. This is a big suprise to me! I orginally loved her because of her voice. She would be able to hit all those high octives that many professional singers can only dream of.

However, after she came out to the media, she was abandoned by her parents. Then, she changed her image into a tomboy. And then she got a girlfriend, and then she started SINGING DIFFERENTLY!!

She stop singing those "deep" songs and convert to the typical Miley Cyrus: Wrecking Ball. And to be honest, she wasn't even sounding that well. In the youtube video, she recieved a lot of critism from her own fans and I can see why. Is she really losing it? Is it because of her new changed look that made her sing differently? I mean, she is very masculine these days, so maybe she wants to sing less girly song... but that is such a shame. Her voice, she can hit notes that would send shivels down my back. I miss her old performance.

And I started to be angry, maybe its her damn new girlfriend or friends that made her change. Maybe it was those new friends around that made her dress more manly and sing manly song. Maybe she was influenced by the wrong type of people and so she turns out this way--looking manly and singing manlier song.. and not those Celion Dion song anymore!! 

But then again, I think about it, who am I to say this?!? I mean, how blind can I be? I mean, Charice is being Charice. She is growing and become more true to herself. And if this is a way to be true to herself, I should support her. I mean, long ago, she may dress like a girl and sing those lovely song that I adore, but maybe then, she was really suffering inside. Maybe she was crying behind the curtains and hiding herself from the world. And now, she is truly happy. She is able to dress the way that most fit her identity. And her voice, maybe she is being more protective of it. She isn't singing those high notes song because it may hurt her voice in the long run.

In all, I feel that Charice is happy now. And when I saw Charice with her gilfriend, I saw a really big smile on her face. Charice is truely happy, and as a fan, I should be happy for her. I mean, my initial reaction to Charice transformation is pretty bad. If she is living a proud and open life, who cares if she doesn't sing Celion Dion song anymore..

And so, I realize, I guess not everyone is like everyone. I mean, I like girls, but I don't think I will ever cut my hair. I love dressing up.. and doing my digital Update. But then again, this is my identity. This is who I am and I am comfortable in my own skin and I am forever fortunate. And I glad Charice is finally happy in her own skin-even if it meant she will look like a guy and singing manly song. Who am I to make a judgement?