Time to hit the beach.... chill in the sun... and maybe go up to the mountain for some little snowboarding? :D haha.. noooo!! Not yet. I will go to the beach & hit up those mountains. But not this time, not yet.
In very soon, I will be taking the MCAT. I have been studying for it all winterbreak, and a bit during the winter quarter. Now, I am hoping to spend my spring break to catch-up, dedicate the first month to prepaing, and taking it next month.
However, there is something quite interesting that happen lately.. I am practicing to write with both of my hands. I am by nature right handed, but I am really trying to be able to write both hand. This will come in handy when it comes to finals week when I have to write out my notes. It was a pain writing out 3 months of notes for 3 whole classes in a few days. So, I am practicing to write 2 hands.
Also, It has been really stressful lately. I just finished my final week and it was really sressful for me. And I finally am on break. I am trying not to burn out so I'm trying to take things slow after my testing period. But, then again, I know pretty soon I am going to head back studying for the MCAT. For some reason, I am scare of the test, but then again, I feel like its something I have to go through.
Previously, I was typing something on this blog, but the original post was deleted because I am scare what I was even typing. And I can only sum it up as I am scared about the decision that I am about to make. The things that I am about to do. I mean, I really want to be a physican, but I am very scared. There is a lot that worried me. For instance, the fear of not being good enough, the fear of rejection, the fear of how my life might turn out if things did work out.. you know what I mean? What happen if things doesn't turn out the way I imagine? I don't know, I'm just a little scared of anything and everything. This isn't the first time really. I went through a similar phase when I was choosing my major in college. Hm.. what did I do to make all of these doubts go away back then?
1. It was the summer premed program. 2. It was my first class of biology in college. 3. It was the professor in the 2nd biology class in college. 4. It was the TA in my 3rd biology class in college. 4. It was doubt I had with my sexuality and the fear of being unsure. 5. It was the 5th biology class in college that I almost failed because I didn't study until 2 day before the exam. 6. It was that amazing feel I felt when I was reading through that bio textbook and when my professor was lecturing, that make me go "wow, I can't believe our body did all of that."
I guess, at the stage where I am at, there isn't really much I can do with these doubts and fear. I mean, I was very worried like this when I was thinking of my major in college. But I realize that sometime, we can spend days thinking about issue like this and dwell over all these fears. But really, you'll never know if you like something until you try it.
So back then, I give sometime and put some thought in choosing my major. Then, once I picked it, I went head on in. There was not point of dwelling over the fear of things not working out. Because really, I didn't know I loved Biology until I actually took biology in college and have gone through my struggles. So here, I think about this career thing.
I mean, I have made my decision. I want to go after something, and so, it is time to dive in. There shouldn't be much more thought about it. Because, not until I am actually in the position and facing it head on, I will never really be free of doubts and fear.
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