Healthy Living: Barely Surviving.. may extinct real soon.

"How are you doing Jenny?"
Hm.. Well, my professor asked me that today. I didn't say much other than "Good, I'm good professor, things are following fine."

And, It's true things are okay. But honestly, at the dead of night, I can't help but let my wall down. I drop the role that I am playing. My voice is dry and soft. My eyes weirry. I'm dying.

I'm trying very hard to keep everything together. I'm tired even when I don't do anything. (How is this even possible?)

In a way, I feel like I am carrying a lot on my shoulder at the moment. I'm scared. I'm lonely. I don't know what will become of me. I do not want to share these feeling with anyone. I can't talk to my mom or my dad. I will only make them stress more. I don't want to tell this to my friend because it will look like I'm complaining.

I miss having a significant other. I know this may sound ridiculous. But when I was in high school, every weekend, I would go online to talk to my bf. He would listen to all my troubles and my adventours. I would tease him and he would tell me about his stuff. It was warm and comforting to have someone like that to rely on. And some day, I truly do miss what we had. And thinking now, how great it would be if I had someone like that. Maybe someone I could talk to and share my troubles. Someone wouldn't judge me for my decision and my action. Now days, I just got to bed late with a lot on my mind.

I'm glad that I still have this blog. It's nice to have a place to come home to and talk about my feelings. I just like to say it's tough. And I'm hanging on. I feel like if I have a clone right now, we might be able to get the job done. I mean in term of school, MCAT, letter of Rec, Personal statement, and more stuff to stress about..

My friends are graduating soon. They all got into school of their choice. They are moving and going all across California and everywhere else in the states. I sit here wondering...

Though, of all the stories I tell you. I want to say something good though. I have a good parents who care for me so much. I manage to get my personal statement together (it's coming..). I have manage to get some professor who is on board to pen me a letter of rec (but there are still a couple more prof to go. My midterm came through (I'm doing okay). My sexuality issue isn't bothering me (I'm happy being who I am and being attracted to both gender.)

There are a few more things I still need to worry about. I post a picture of a broccilli painting a selfportrait. Because, right now, I feel that I am that broccoli. I yearn for something. I hope I don't collpase or faint or die anytime soon (thought it does feel like it sometime)