Tuesday, February 24, 2015

Healthy living: here we go again

Don't mind this post. I just want to rant and write a few things that been making me feel very sad.

I don't know what I am Thinking really. Some night, like tonight, I really don't know if I'm smart enough to be a doctor. Maybe I'm too slow or something, I just feel a terrible about myself. I understand all of my class notes, and even the lesion plan but it just take a lot of time. And I'm so slow when it comes to doing problems and timing. I just feel like a failure in myself 

I know this is stupid, but I am conflicted. I feel very blessed to be living this life, but at the same time I don't think I deserved any of this. I feel like if someone else was born in my shoe, they probably be able to do a better job than me. I feel like il quite selfish too. Gosh, I'm such a terrible person. I feel like all these opportunities and this life is wasted on me. I just feel like someone can do a better job than me.

I feel like I disappoint my family and parents. I told my mom i don't want to marry a man when I grow up. She was so sad. I feel like I disappoint my parents for loving a girl. It hurts to know how imperfect and terrible of a daughter I am. 

I don't know , I feel like a terrible daughter to my parents. I don't feel like a very good person. I sometime feel like my family and my parents deserved a better daughter. I even feel that if someone who lived my life would be even better. I feel inadequate about myself and life. I don't feel like I'm good enough. 

This suck ass. It really suck so much. I don't see it tonight. At least, tonight I don't see it at all. I just have a feeling inadequate about myself. I feel life is wasted on me. Someone else can do a better job than me. 

Don't worry, I'm not suicidal. I'm not crazy enough to do something stupid. I just feel very small tonight. I feel very less than a person. 


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