Healthy Living: Never too long

Today, one of my all time favorite anime ended. Its about bears. But with cute cute bears.
And to be honest, I only watched up to episode 6, and never really had a chance to watched the last 6 episode of the storyline.

Thus, I have absolutely no idea what happen during that 6 episode, but I still dare to say this was an amazing anime regardless. Maybe I'm putting my expectation too high, or maybe I really don't' know what I am saying. But here goes nothing..

I like this anime for many reasons that I won't dive into details here since the list will be too long. But I like it a lot because of this last ending. It made me really happen to to see this ending. The bear is finally reunited with its love one. Its a happy ending, and so it make me very happy.

But also, it is because of the fact that it reminds me that love will find a way. Even if things are difficult, love will find a way. These 2 characters went through a lot. The director was very clever in his directing...hahaha.

The whole anime storyline is a bit hard to follow, But there is many hidden doors and allies in this anime. Its ambigious in many way, but it is a puzzle waiting to be solved and discovered. It is an anime that you watch and come up with different interpretation each time.

I guess I can't really convey my feeling for it that accurately tonight. But I can tell you that it is a hidden gem. It taught a love that is uncommon isn't always mean its wrong. It taught me that sometime society beats on a different rhythm, and we cannot just follow its beat, but we need to find a our own vibration. We need to find our own tune that we can tute too.. Everybody tune is a little bit different. And when it taught me that beauty is everywhere as long as we look for it. If we looked for it, and pay attention, it will be there.

I have watched 2 anime movie so far, and I think they are absolutely phenomon. But neither did well on the post-box this year. The director might be fired after the production ends. And eventhough the anime is completely unsuccessful. It reached my heart. It touched me and taught me better.

Healthy living: Figuring things out

Let's figure this out.

Healthy Living: Sweatpants

Don't mind me today.
I think I overworked myself today so I don't feel so good. I wonder how am I suppose to get up early tomorrow for my practice test?

And, I also got that one meeting to attend. Oh boy..Let's go Let's go!!

Healthy Living: 8-to-8

We call it "8-to-8" and it is really what it is.
I'm a bit off today, my head is a little not on par.
"8-to-8" is our studying schedule.

My buddies and I get up everyday, and head to our studyhall around 8 AM (but I cheat sometime and get there around 9:45AM), but by 10AM, everyone is off in their own battle field. Some are fighting physic, other is conjugating acid with ochem, while other ponder the depth of the human mind with psychology, and some catalyzed reaction with chemistry. This fight last until 8PM of every day.

How can I describe this feeling? Lets just say that we do what we do. Its the grind. Your suppose to feel the burn. Each day, you break your body and mind down, just so you can rebuild it up again tomorrow. Every mistakes, every flaws, every head train means we are one step closer to our goal. Welcome to the MCAT training camp 101.

I find comfort and peace there , to be honest. I am fearful of this exam, but with every passage, I feel a bitter better and a bit stronger.

Oh, don't let me complain to you tonight. I have made a few friends in my studies. It keep me company during my studies hours.

Healthy Living: Getting a little messy & crazy

So, today I went to listen to some Nike motivational youtube video. And all I can say is wow, they really give me some beating. I guess I can sit and tell you how tired I am. But honestly, I have gotten used to it, so let talk about something else tonight.

I was sitting today and thinking about my physic tutor. He a bit older than me and kinda cute. But, let try not to get romantic here. I'm in no mood to think about love or relationship. I have a test to take.
Anyway, I was thinking how he was able to achieve such a high score on his test and got accepted to so many great school. I ponder that for awhile, and I realized that people like him must have worked really hard. I respect that.

And I think of the stage that I am in right now, it is quite rough to be honest. But then again, I wouldn't want to do anything else. The question that has been poppping up in my head these days was "why medicine? Why do I want to be a doctor so much? the struggle to get there is crazy, and the work load is insane,!! Should I have gone into pharmacy or dentsitry? Oh goodness I'm tired. I'm not even sure I'm good enough? What happen if this all go astray? " So, these kind of thought were roaming in my head. But then earlier this week, I was sitting in class and biology teacher was going over the immune system. She was describing how all our immune cells in our body work together to help keep us healthy. We talk about the specific function and task of these cells, and the war they fought against different bacterial infect and virus outbreak. And there was a rining in my head "IS THIS AMAZING OR WHAT? THIS IS SO COOL" And honestly, I know this is crazy, but I do love the thing that I am studying.

Its a lot of work, but I truly enough spending my time to understand these tiny details and aspect. I think its amazing what our body do and learning about each aspect of them to one day fix it, is even more mouthwatering. Also, earlier today, I was a bit stressed and I thought to myself "I have to stop stressing, or I'm going to drive my adrenal cortex insane with releasing all these crazy coritsol." And it struck me how amazing it was. hahaha, I doubt any of my other friends in other field could have went through that thought processes. Its a little geeky thing I do to myself, but I glad i knew.

But, then again, tomorrow is another uphill battle. I will probably go down into a dump again and you'll see me blogging and complaining about my life. I will probably be sad and feel incompetent and probably cry some more. But tonight, I do really appreciate the thing I am learning eventhough it hurts me a lot and put me through such a worldwind. I just hope I know and learn enough in time for this test.

Healthy Living: Where did everyone go?

I started out this path of medicine with many good friends beside. We were all on the same path--medicine. It was our dream, our passion, our desire. I had like 7 or 8 people on my list that were pursuing the same thing as me. At first, I felt like I had to be competitive. But then, eventually, they started to slip away. Slowly, one by one they left the profession and went on a different career path. I guess they found something that matched them better or that it is more true to their goal & passion.

But slowly, people left.. and now there are only me and a handful of people left on this route. I am sure everyone has their own reason to do what they do. One of my good friend Gina is thinking of switching career to another profession. I think she a such a great and amazing person. I felt that she would be a wonderful doctor. She have the grades and the brains to get there. Heck, I think she even have better MCAT score than me. But she is thinking of switching. I am sure she has her reason, but I hope she might reconsidered. I think she make a fine, kind, and warm heart doctor. But, I will respect her decision whatever it might be.

Everyday, I can't help think that this is a hard path that I have decided to walk. It wasn't easy to choose to be true to myself. It wasn't easy to confess that I like girls . It wasn't easy to choose medicine when the work load get demanding and the studying days get long. Its lonely at time. I mean, I sat in a room for nearly 6 hours today with no human contact. I think the only thing that kept me sane was the fact that I work exercised for an hour today, and MY PARENTS.

I talk to them every night and spend at least an hour around them. They really keep me sane in this crazy days. Talking to them, laughing, and just relaxing around them really help make me feel better. I guess, no matter what, I still need human interaction. Its important for me.

Anyway, looking back, I encourage anyone who wants to do medicine to follow this path. Its damn hard. It's too early for me to say it's worth it. But there is something special about medicine. Is it the knowledge and skills that these physician possessed? Is it their ability to influence people around them? Is it their priceless skill that can alleviate, reduce, and possiblity eliminate pain and sickness?
I feel that they go through a lot and went through hell. But through it, they have the magical power to help and heal. Anyone, no matter how rich or poor need them. They are human being blessed with the power to understand the biological function of the body and be able to diagnosed and treat any disease. That seems pretty magical to me guys. Talk about super power. I think it is a blessing, a gift, but it's not free. It takes sweats, tears, and years yo! NOW WHO'S WITH ME?!?

Healthy Living: The Night

For the last few days, I have been having the case of "what if". What if my MCAT score dont' pull thorugh? what happen if the i dont' make it through this cycle of application? what happen if I can't apply? What happen the MCAT 2015 is completely different from what I expected? What happen if that one professor won't write my letter of rec? What happen if I don't get a good letter? What happen if I some how die before being able to apply to medical school? What happen if I never make it in? What if ....

And so, these question haunts me and I try to push it away, but they always pop back up.
The risk is there. The MCAT. The Letter of  Rec.The Application. The possible failures.. it all scares the hell out of me. And I am terrified. I don't want to think of what will happen if that is the case. I will probably cry a lot. I will first cry..

But, this isn't the time to think of such what ifs question...

Healthy Living: A quick one

This is an usually thing to say today. I originally planned write a little excerpt about my day. But, I this will be a different change of pace.

I came across an article today about North Korea. This is a recent picture taken in north korea. It suprises me at first because of the farm equipment the man is using and the fact that the women is riding a bicycle.

It struck me at first because I thought "who uses bicycle anymore?" Please don't get me wrong, I have been to Vietnam, which is still consider to a poor asian nation, and even then people are using motorcylce. Bicycle has been outdate even in poor asian nation for nearly 10-15 years already. But the fact that this women uses it, (and what it seems like a majority of north korean still uses it) shocks me a little. It peaks volumes of the underdeveloped nation and how the people are very restrictive in term of technology over there.

I don't know, it sadden me a bit. I hope the north Korea government may change it policy soon and allow for modern development. I want to see these people lives improve. I want to see growth & development in this country. I want their government to open up their doors and allows for their people with greater freedom to pursue their interest and make a better living.

These pictures struck a little string in my heart because my parents came from a very poor family. My family was not well-off. Twenty years ago, my mom was no more than this lady in the picture. My dad was work on a farm like this man in the background. This is why these picture made it so personal to me. I did not live during my parents time period, but I knew it was hard for my mom and dad. So, I really hope that things change for these people.

Healthy Living: The love that was given to me at birth

I read an couple article today that might change the way I have been treating myself. Especially, the mental voice that is going on in my head sometime. I don't want to dwell too much into the topic because it is late and I have class early tomorrow morning. I just want to say that eventhough I was going through that hardship with dealing with my struggle for the MCAT, I was sad, and my parents were worried. They loved me a lot and they care for me greatly. My mom even cook my favorite meal the night after to help cheer me up a bit. And tomorrow, she going to cook my favorite fattening chicken meal that I love so much.

I feel very fortunate to have such wonderful parents who care so much for me. And I am fortunate to be on this road. I used to think that my life right now is kinda dark and rainy and it looks pretty diffcult, but when its dark, I guess I can really get to appreciate the stars.