Have you ever reached that part of your life where you are just unsure? Not as unsure of where you want to go or what you want to be, but you are unsure how the future will turn out.
Like, you have an idea of what you think will turn out, but really, everything is so up in the air and you are not sure of what is to come. I feel like in a way, I'm in that boat.
I don't know what this new year will bring. I am scared. I am unsure of what my future will take. I want to confide in someone's my thoughts and feeling, but right now I feel like there isn't someone who I can really share my feeling.
One of my closet friends is away, and our friendship is unsure. Another is going through the same stage as me, but I feel like I'll stress her out even more. My parents love me, and I do talk to them, but in some way, I don't want to worry them, they are trying so hard to support me. And then, I think of my other friends I have recently met, they are good people. Its just I'm probably bothering them. I don't think I can really bring my thoughts and feeling into speech.
I feel ... like I don't have the answers for the questions that thrown at me. I feel like I have to have the world figured out and what I am okay with, and if I am even lucky enough to get it. This is all a confusing time in itself for me.
I am glad I have this blog to write about my uncertainy. Its a strange a uncertainty really. Its not like I don't have a clue of what I want, but it's like.. well,. am I gonna get the things I been after? It's confusing. I can't seem to share my thoughts all in it.
...
Maybe I'm spoil and I really don't think I deserved it. Maybe it's the right path for me. I feel like I have been through this all before in 2012. Like I wanted to know what my sexuality is.. but I don't and it kills me everyday to find the answer. And, i'm all so wrapped up in it.
I guess, one advice I can give back to my old self is ... just wait it out. Your path at that moment hasn't force you to choose yet. So, you can put your decision to rest. Just keep trecking the trails. As you go further, you'll meet people and interact with others who will help you find the answer. If you don't know and unsure, don't beat yourself up at that time to try to find the answer. The answer is unaswnerable because it is not time yet to see that answer. There will be a time in your future when you will know, and the answer will come to you. Trust me, it will come.
So, don't beat yourself up to search for something that isn't for you to figure out until later or so. So, do your best at the time. Focus what is in your path right there and then. You'll see. People will come. They will play important roles in your life that help you see your ways and what you are looking for. So, don't worry about the answer right now. Just keep going. Just keep pushing. Keep going no matter where your path takes you. Have faith that each foot steps you take is guided by someone above looking over you. You might not know it, but you are not alone in this process. Keep going, you are getting there.
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