Healthy Living: Support

I think today was something I can really feel what it's like to have support & love. Truly.

I think I made a post yesterday handling this alone and having someone to share my pain and troubles, and my inability to confide in anyone about my worries or fear... WELL CROSS THAT ONE OUT!

Because today was truely something miraclous.

Because, I did get support and a lot of it. I talked to people who really care about me, and I feel less alone in many ways. I think this path is so rough so far with so many indecision and unsurity, but in it, I have love. and I am loved.


I know its strange, but when I woke up this morning, only having about 3 hours of sleep, and having to hit up a volunteer position, and then meet up with a kind friend. I think I would never be able to get through it because it just so much for a sick person. But things turns out so great.. Really.

First, I took on a volunteer shift with a friend who is going in a similar path with me. She had pains and hardship but I guess its nice to not being here alone. Or at least, the cool thing was that... what I advice I wrote last night, I gave it to her. And I dont' think she really listened to me or took it too serolsy, but in a way, I feel like... its going to be okay. Its really is going to be okay.

And then, I went to visit a kind friend who helped me sort through my application. She said maybe I wrote something wrong on my secondary. Maybe that's why they are like.. not sending me any interviews. But then again, we talked about my future plans and she said its still a bit too early to really decide. So, let's just hold it out until March before coming to any decision of the next step. I felt really reassured when she told me that. I truely do. I trust her opinion and advice. Her husband and she had a really nice cozy, humble home. I really like it there. Its almost like walking into a wonderland, its really laidback and fun. I truely think it is a cozy home. Their dog, Maggy, its so addorable little girl. I just want to continue petting it.

But I talked to her about some interview tips and how to address "tell me about yourself" question. Which I often find tripping over.. I dont' know, but being there with her, I think I almost shed a tear. I really felt she understand and connected with me, with all my fear, my insecurity, and really say.. "its okay, let's work this thing out." I just feel a lot less lost. I trust her expertise. I admire her kindness. I am very fortunate to have someone who really look out for me on this front. I am thankful.

And then, when I got home, I was moping about my lack of chances and probably my stupid idea of actually being honest on my secondaries. I got so sad, I think I felt so stupid for being too honest about myself. And maybe just scare all the school off. It's really a sad ordeal. My mom started to cheer me up with which kind of food I wanted to eat. It didnt' work. I was planning to hold it all in by myself. But I really coulnd't handle it. I can't do it alone. I simply cannot be the bigger man, holding all the secret to myself and take on the world alone. Nope. I cannot. I needed to share my worries and my fear with people, those who are close to me. They are important to me.

For 1. it lets the steam off. 2. I'm not handling it alone, they can provide support and company in their advice and their acknowledgement of my problems, 3. they can remind me that I'm not as too analystical or overthinking as I think I am. 4. They put me back into reality.

I think that what I gathered in the last 2-3 weeks of my life right now. 

1. I cannot handle the world alone. If hardship comes my way, I cannot keep or bear secret from others that is weighting me down. It's just going to keep me more sad & sinking my ship. 
2. It's necessary and important that I talk to my family and love ones about my issue. I can't handle it alone and I shouldn't. Family and support are there for a reason. Having a good communication with them. I should open things up and let them come into my life. People are important to me. My family, my love one are important to me. THey help me through hard times. 
3. My faith is important to me. I was never the big zealous believer. but honestly, when push come to shove, and I think I see the lights. You never really know how much trust & faith you have in religion until that day came when you just have no more way to look except have faith that its going to be okay. Religion and faith is the important.