Healthy Living: A word from a friend

Today, I did 2 major things.

First, I came out to my cousin. And then, I drove to see Hana. I told her the story about her my crush.

Hana said 2 things.

1. My crush is not stable. The girl needs to find her way. She still needs to go grow up. She has a lot of suffering ahead of her. But its the only way she will be able to grow and accept herself. I can't do anything for her. And like all quotes "No one can save us except ourselves, no one must, and no one may. We must walk that path". Hana said that the connection was toxic. The girl I like is suffering and is unstable. She not simply in a depression, but rather at a very unstable part of her life. She hasn't truly figure herself out yet and by repressing who she is, she is only going to bring her great pain, and those who love her great pain. People who suffers sometime go through so much pain that their action sometime can cause pain to those around them. And they unintentionally hurt people who loved them. And so, I must step away.

2. The second thing Hana said is that the girl do like me. That girl in some way, do have feelings for me. My presence do affect her. But she has a lot of soul searching to do. And, I cannot touch her. I cannot and I may not.

I was dishearten when hearing that. I spent so many years alone and now I found someone that I really like, and it cannot be. It makes me sad. But Hana said something very wise. Hana has been through many toxic relationships and she sees that this isn't a good relationship for me. She told me that not every connection you make will be a healthy and good one. Sometime 2 people fall in love, but they are toxic for each other and can only bring each other harm. And eventhough it sound impossible, there will be a day when I will meet someone who connection with me will be just as strong, and it will be a positive growth.

She emphasized a point that I was too blind for me to see. Not every connection is meant to be. Eventhough the connection is strong and true and geniune, it could be just as toxic and deadly and harm both party. I wish to be believe that my connection with this girl was true. There was really something going between the two party. But, we're simply at different stage in our development. And not every connection is a healthy one.

Hana bring out another points that I  have learned long ago. Its is that I deserved better. I deserved someone on the same stage as me. Someone who had dealt with her inner demon, someone who had suffered, and came out of it a better person. Someone who I can grow with. Our development would be a thriving mutual relationship. Someone who I cherished, and would cherished me.