Healthy Living: The Coming out

Today, I did the first and most important step. Actually, it was not the first, but it was definitely and important step. I was honest.

Things are not what I have planned. Today. I came out to my small group. It was so anti-climatic. I did not cry. I didn't share a sob story. I just basically, state the fact, apologized for not saying it sooner, and told them that it has been hard, and wrapped it up short and sweet. I don't think my friends understand the magnitude of impact it had on me. But in a way, I'm glad they didn't. Because it was significant. This is my FIRST time I ever came out to a group of individuals. Before, it was simply a one-on-one conversation. They didn't asked too much information and glad that I wasn't announcing a terminal illness.

I hope they don't treat me differently than before. But in all regards, it is important and necessary. This is definitely not over. This will probably will be the first and of many coming out process I have to do to my future peers and buddies. I don't know if I can handle this challenge. But, that is not today worry. Today, I made a small victory. Well, I will be sure to feel the impact of my coming out process in the next couple of weeks.

But you know, it feels a lot lighter. It does. I am not under the burden or the weight anymore. I am not ashamed. I don't know if the coming out process was hard, or the event leading to it that was more difficult. I think the internalized leading to it was more dramatic and rigorous than the actual coming out process. I hope that if people do talk, it would be like saying "oh, she bi" and that its. Because, really, that is it. That is all of it.

I think I beat myself too much and too hard. I do not know the repercussion of my action. But I'm glad I did it.