I have been thinking. Its hurts me alot. But after talking from one friend to another, I think the consensus is quite clear. They are unsure, but they lean toward the case that, maybe, its best to let go of my crush.
Damn it. Here we go again. Its okay. I'm kinda used to this road. I'm familiar to this path.
I don't know why this is happening. I know my crush love another person. Right now, she is probably crying over her. But really, for my sanity, for my future, for boards. For everything else, I need to be alone.
I think its time for me to let her go now. Its hard to picture it. I don't know, maybe because I feel so much for her, that I'm blinded by the fact that she loves another. I really don't care that she is trying to get over another girl. Its just she has so much issue that she has to resolve that I honestly cannot help her. I think her ex knows that. And I, being the stupid and dumb one, think I can. And really, I can't. You can't change someone. I'm so drained. Not only from school, but also about her.
I really think she is too much for me. I kinda wish I can just find someone else right now. But I understand that not how things works. This person is not good for me. It doesn't matter if she is kind. It doesn't matter if she is going through alot. Its just, not for me, at least not right now. I can't handle her anymore. That is the honest truth.
My infatuation has blinded me from seeing the truth. I think the best option for me is to end it. Walk away from her, and let go of her. I think everybody has to go through their own struggles first, and find and love themselves first before they can love others. I realized that now. I have to let go of her for my sake.
On a happier note, I visited my doctor today. I brought her flowers. She is as lovely and wonderful as when I last saw her. I really do miss her. And I'm so happy to be with her and her program today. Being in her program reminded me why I enter medicine. She reminded me what a good doctor should be. She let me to participated in the Q&A regarding medical school. I know I'm not that great of a premed. I know I'm lacking a lot. But in a way, I can't believe my luck today.
I managed to visit my favorite doctor. I was able to see some of my old summer premed friends. I got to participate in the medical student Q&A events. Seeing my favorite doctor makes me really happy. She makes my heart smile.
She is the kind of doctor I want to bring flowers to years after years, and even after she is gone.
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