Monday, December 28, 2015
Happy Holidays
Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.
I thought about this holiday is full of mixed emotions. It has it joy, it has it misery, it has it hardship, it has it relaxing time, it has it stress, and it has love. Goodness, the amount of emotions I went through this year is really something. Never before, maybe except sometime in 2012, did I ever went through so much.
In a way, I am exhausted, scare, and anticipating of what will come in the near future. What the new year will bring. What challenges, what hardship, and what miracle will bring. I messed up tonight, I should be studying, preparing, writing, and everything except sitting and rewatching Frozen again. I don't know why I did the thing I have done.
I am in a mix of everything. I have had a lot of challenges these days, and no amount of words can I express what I have gone through, and what is expected of me in the future. Sometime, I wonder if I have the strength to continue this journey of my dream. I wonder if there is really the other side. I am being tested, being put to so much emotions, and challenges. I am sorry I am ranting on this webpage.
After I graduated things has been so different. I am not use to this new life. This life without school. This inbetween. This application. This waiting. This panicking. This prospects. This opportunities.
My heart hurt. I am tired of being scare of the future. I am tired of letting my emotions placed on the decision of others. I feel alone and surrounded all at the same time. What a weird chirstmas. It really don't feel like december. But all at the same time, it feels like it december.
I remember I told somebody this. This stage of my life, It's not a good thing, and it's not a bad thing. It's just different from what I am used too and that why I don't feel comfortable.
Wednesday, December 23, 2015
Healthy Living: Misery
My heart hurts. The past two days have been really hard on me. I cried, went to the gym, and went to bed early. I have nothing left. No confident, no courage, no pride. Just an empty shell of what left. I am all I had and will have. My mom held me as I cried. I just let it all go and just let it all out. She said something that I don't think I can forget. Misery comes and misery goes. With time, it will pass. "đau khô cung se qua"
Saturday, December 19, 2015
Healthy Living: Enduring it
Today, my mom was talking about trying to get the bathtube redone. Our bathtube s getting quite old, and she thought it was time to remodle. My dad argue that remodling the bathroom will make the house extremely dirty and it just really messy.
And so, we were at this stage where we were arguing whether we should get the bathtub remodel yet. And for some reason, I told my mom just close your eyes and endure it. Bite the hardship and get on with it. For if we don't go through the process and accept our house will be dirty for a certain amount of time, then we will never be able to get a new and cleaner bathtub.
In a way, I felt it is very similar to my situation right now. The journey is difficult. I am sometime within doubts of my chances and my future. I don't like to be in this situation where I am unsure about my future or where I will end up in the next few years. I am scare alright and if you are following by blog this time, you would have saw a lot of the hardship I have been through while in this stage.
And so, I thought. Let's get it on. Let's continue. Let's pull through. I have no idea of what will come except with the attempt of closing my eyes and getting it done. Let's accept what will come for the things I have no control over. And through this, and only through this difficult journey will I ever get to the other side. For years I have trained, studied, and prepared. And now, it was this is where everything boiled down to. The path is really at its bottleneck. But I have a feeling if I can stay here and learn to bear with the journey a bit longer, learn to embrace the things I am scare and not comfortable, I will be a little bit stronger than I have ever been. So, here and now, let's keep enduring through this. Let's close our eyes and accept what we can.
I hope your day is well.
Thursday, December 17, 2015
Books: The Maze Runner
I originally did not want to bring myself to write this. However, I felt I had so much emotions in myself that I needed to let it out.
Recently, in the last few weeks, I read THE MAZE RUNNER SERIES. It was amazing and crazy at the same time. I truelly fell in love with the books and its characters. It was a good read.
I felt everything. I felt the Adrenalin. I felt the pain and sorrow of the characters. I felt the hardship and the starvation the character face. And for the first time in a very long time, I felt love.
I fell in love with one of the main girl. I guess, I didn't fall in love with her. But I kinda live vivaciously through the main character. I felt so much for Teresa. She was perfect for Thomas. It was like they were meant to be together and my heart goes out to her. I wanted them to be together so much. They been together from the very beginning and they were true friends. I think Teresa really love Thomas too.
But it hurt me so much, because it didn't turn out for them. In the end book. Teresa had to betrayed Thomas because she loved him. She love him and inorder to save his life, she needed to make him feel Betrayed. And she succeeded with her acting, but at the same time, she lost him and his trust.
Thomas could no longer loved her anymore because she broke his trust, but for good reason. But Thomas could never forgive her. It hurts me so much, and that in the end of the series. She was killed and written off. It felt heartless how the authored did that to Teresa.
I felt the pain because Teresa was a character that actually grow and matured through the series. You can feel her pain and her harship. You see how she suffered and how she goes through all this to survive and save the man she loved. But that stupid Thomas.
And for the main author to simply replaced her for a prettier girl. In the book there was a love triangle, you can tell that it was between Teresa, Thomas, and Brenda. But damn it, Thomas ended up with Brenda. I like Brenda. She is a good girl. But felt so much hurt for Teresa. It was Teresa who has growned and mature. It was Teresa who went through hell and came back. It was Teresa who save Thomas. It was Teresa who lead the character. It was Teresa who made the sacrefice. But Thomas did not understand and I doubt the author really understand.
In a way, I felt Teresa death was unjustified and unnecessary. She should have lived. I don't think Thomas deserved her.
But other than that, the whole series was amazing. I loved the 3 books. I could not put down the 2nd and 3rd book. I especially love when Newt die. I know it sounds heartless, but his death really highlights one of the best climax of the book. Since Newt was such a loveable character, and his death because of the infection disease really bring outs the brutality of the disease/virus that was occuring the books.
Because throughout the book, we know there was a disease that plague the human race and millions people die. However, we couldn't really feel the destruction until the person we love and care actually die because of it. His death wasn't even a calm and peaceful end. But it was so climatic that the Thomas and Newt was wrestling. And then we saw what mercy was. Mercy was to kill Newt so he didn't have to go through the transition and become an infected zombie. His death marks to me and gave me a personal burn of how much and hurt it was. And there, I could feel the virus/plague humanity. I finally understand the necessity of the cure. I understand why WICKED search to every extent to save humanity. I finally understand. And Newt made it memorable.
Newt death further the plot and made the character felt the pain and the sorrow. Teresa death was unjustified and unnecessary. I really felt sorry for Teresa and all the things she been through. My heart goes out to her.
Overall:
This book made me feel again. For all this time, my heart could not understand what it was like to love someone or to feel for someone. To lose someone like Teresa. I really care for her and I really wanted Teresa to be with Thomas. I really felt that lost. I haven't really feel that way in a very long time. I have never felt that way since the last time I said goodbye to the girl who I had a crush in college. It was nearly 2 years ago. I haven't felt anything in my heart since about love and lost. I could not understand what it was like to love someone and lose someone who you romantically feel for. This open up my heart and I felt the lost. The pain. And in a way, it made me more human. It brought a back a since of emotions that I had fall out of touch for awhile. It was a sense of romantic love. It was to think and hold onto a girl who you truely feel for. It felt so much for Teresa and Thoma's relationship.
I think this book was like a wake-up call. Or something to bring me out of the things I have been facing lately with the whole application process. I was so focused on my career that I felt out touch with love and emotions for someone else. Boy, did it bring something back. And for that, I feel again. For that, I love again. For that, I hurt again. For that, I have this mix emotions in my heart. For that, I am thankful.
Finally, I could understand what my friends who are in love feel like. How they feel about their significant others. How they felt in their love & troubles. It nice. I guess singlehood has made me out of touch with romantic love. But this book really brought something backs. For that, I am thankful.
Thursday, December 10, 2015
[Featured Article] The Road to K-pop Stardom: Training
LInk: http://seoulbeats.com/2012/02/the-road-to-k-pop-stardom-training/
The elation that a prospective K-pop star may feel from passing a difficult audition does not last long. Yes, they have the luxury of knowing that they are talented enough to be accepted into an elite entertainment company as a trainee, but their debut and eventual success is by no means guaranteed. By signing a contract with the entertainment company, they are signing away things that we, as K-pop fans, take for granted. Things like personal freedom, sleep, and even the ability to carry on a romantic relationship, in some cases all become sacrifices simply for the chance to pursue their dreams of debuting and becoming that entertainer who stands on stage every night, facing thousands of screaming fans.
I
have mixed feelings about the training period. As a seasoned K-pop fan,
I find myself taking the dancing and singing skills idols display for
granted. But every once in a while, I stumble upon an article about how INFINITE doesn’t have any furniture in their living room so they can have dance practices at night or T-ara’s Jiyeon waving to fans half asleep or a picture of BEAST’s Junhyung curled
up sleeping on the floor of their practice room. Those articles always
remind me about how tough idol life truly is, but what’s astounding is
that before they became idols, life was even tougher.
As soon as a successful auditionee enters the training period, they are thrown into a sea of competitors who are just as (if not more) talented than them. They endure long dance sessions, singing practices, and even acting classes just to win the right to debut first. At the same time, they are expected to balance school with this demanding schedule–most trainees are high school students. In order to debut first, trainees push themselves to and past their limits, trying to excel and show their company that they are ready to debut.
A trainee can be dropped by their company at any point in time if they are not good enough. They perform for the company’s president on a regular basis, who then points out their strengths and weaknesses. If they are on par with the company’s expectations, they are allowed to continue training with the hopes of K-pop stardom a little closer. If they are not, trainees are dropped without a second chance.
Trainees train almost nonstop for an average of two to five years before being allowed to debut. 2AM’s Jokwon is the longest JYP Entertainment trainee
to date–he trained for seven years before debuting. The goal of the
training period is to build up a potential K-pop group member’s stamina
in terms of both singing and dancing. If they start out with weak
voices, the company focuses on improving their vocal abilities. Take Taemin of SHINee for example–the guy had no vocal parts in SHINee’s earlier songs, but SM Entertainment has
begun to dole out small vocal parts to him these last two years. On the
other hand, uncoordinated trainees undergo the same process to gain
dancing skills. Kyuhyun, the maknae of Super Junior, is clearly a talented vocalist, but his dancing skills were not up to par with Eunhyuk and Donghae‘s during songs like Sorry Sorry and It’s You. However, only two years later, SM gave him a major dance break along with the main dancers of Super Junior in Bonamana. Entertainment
companies shy away from having their artists lip-sync entire
performances, so both dancing and singing stamina are extremely
important.
Another goal of the training period is for entertainment companies to see if their trainees have enough mental and emotional maturity to endure the hardships of real idol life. They want to see if the trainee is passionate enough about their dreams to keep on pushing through with the process, even when they get hurt, put down, or discouraged. If the trainee is motivated, they will work much harder than unmotivated ones. It’s tough, but it’s also the only way to weed out the “weaklings” in the entertainment companies’ minds.

And then there are the international trainees who have to learn the Korean language and Korean customs on top of the typical singing and dancing routine. Now that would be frustrating–having to undergo tons and tons of training and dealing with the effects of loneliness and culture shock at the same time. Sure, many international trainees become super-successful, such as Victoria from f(x) and Nichkhun from 2PM, but it’s not easy. Take my favorite R&B bad boy for example, Jay Park. Many K-pop fans know that he was the leader of 2PM before he became a solo artist and got kicked out of JYP for undisclosed reasons. It’s suspected that he got kicked out for making anti-Korea comments on his Myspace during his training period, but who can blame the guy? He didn’t know Korean, he wasn’t with his family, and oh yeah — he was a teenager. Anyone would feel discouraged, angry, and hopeless in that situation.
The point is that training is difficult. That’s obvious enough. I rewatched Big Bang‘s documentary about their training period at YG Entertainment recently and realized for about the umpteenth time that becoming a Hallyu star is truly not all glitz and glamour. The boys endured hours upon hours of dancing and singing, even though they are clearly exhausted. It’s heartwrenching to watch, especially when Hyunseung, now a BEAST member, was dropped from the group because he was not confident enough when performing. Gah.
And then there’s Jaejoong.
Jaejoong left his family when he was only fifteen to go and pursue his
dreams in Seoul. He participated in an SM audition and was allowed to
begin classes under the company. However, Jaejoong had to pay for his
own classes, and without his family’s support, he took on various jobs
such as working at a restaurant, construction work, and delivering
newspapers. He used his wages to pay for his lessons first before
putting money aside for clothing and food. Finally, Jaejoong was allowed
to debut as the oldest in a group of five boys, destined for greater
levels of success than any other group that has existed before them. If
that’s not dedication, I don’t know what is.
So what happens when a trainee gets dropped from a company? They can either go back to their lives before entering the company, or if they’re lucky, other companies will come along and pick them up for another group. BEAST was formed that way. I think it’s ironic in the sense that one of today’s most popular K-pop groups is formed from reject trainees from other companies. As mentioned above, Hyunseung was dropped from YG. Doojoon, the current leader of BEAST, was a JYP trainee before signing with Cube Entertainment. Yoseob had trained with JYPE before as well before deciding to leave due to poor evaluation results. And yet today, the talent of BEAST is undeniable. Why is that? Well, for one thing, most of the group members underwent two training periods instead of the typical one. The boys also work extremely hard–they’ve been discouraged by other companies and are more willing to put in the extra mile in order to succeed in K-pop. They don’t take things for granted because they’ve experienced the sting of rejection and the pain of getting so close to achieving a dream and having it ripped from their hands.

The training period is a humbling experience for most K-pop artists. Even after their debuts, most artists talk about their trainee days as difficult and intense. They don’t forget all the sweat and tears they put into achieving their dreams of becoming a K-pop star, and that’s what makes it so rewarding for them.
The elation that a prospective K-pop star may feel from passing a difficult audition does not last long. Yes, they have the luxury of knowing that they are talented enough to be accepted into an elite entertainment company as a trainee, but their debut and eventual success is by no means guaranteed. By signing a contract with the entertainment company, they are signing away things that we, as K-pop fans, take for granted. Things like personal freedom, sleep, and even the ability to carry on a romantic relationship, in some cases all become sacrifices simply for the chance to pursue their dreams of debuting and becoming that entertainer who stands on stage every night, facing thousands of screaming fans.

As soon as a successful auditionee enters the training period, they are thrown into a sea of competitors who are just as (if not more) talented than them. They endure long dance sessions, singing practices, and even acting classes just to win the right to debut first. At the same time, they are expected to balance school with this demanding schedule–most trainees are high school students. In order to debut first, trainees push themselves to and past their limits, trying to excel and show their company that they are ready to debut.
A trainee can be dropped by their company at any point in time if they are not good enough. They perform for the company’s president on a regular basis, who then points out their strengths and weaknesses. If they are on par with the company’s expectations, they are allowed to continue training with the hopes of K-pop stardom a little closer. If they are not, trainees are dropped without a second chance.

Another goal of the training period is for entertainment companies to see if their trainees have enough mental and emotional maturity to endure the hardships of real idol life. They want to see if the trainee is passionate enough about their dreams to keep on pushing through with the process, even when they get hurt, put down, or discouraged. If the trainee is motivated, they will work much harder than unmotivated ones. It’s tough, but it’s also the only way to weed out the “weaklings” in the entertainment companies’ minds.

And then there are the international trainees who have to learn the Korean language and Korean customs on top of the typical singing and dancing routine. Now that would be frustrating–having to undergo tons and tons of training and dealing with the effects of loneliness and culture shock at the same time. Sure, many international trainees become super-successful, such as Victoria from f(x) and Nichkhun from 2PM, but it’s not easy. Take my favorite R&B bad boy for example, Jay Park. Many K-pop fans know that he was the leader of 2PM before he became a solo artist and got kicked out of JYP for undisclosed reasons. It’s suspected that he got kicked out for making anti-Korea comments on his Myspace during his training period, but who can blame the guy? He didn’t know Korean, he wasn’t with his family, and oh yeah — he was a teenager. Anyone would feel discouraged, angry, and hopeless in that situation.
The point is that training is difficult. That’s obvious enough. I rewatched Big Bang‘s documentary about their training period at YG Entertainment recently and realized for about the umpteenth time that becoming a Hallyu star is truly not all glitz and glamour. The boys endured hours upon hours of dancing and singing, even though they are clearly exhausted. It’s heartwrenching to watch, especially when Hyunseung, now a BEAST member, was dropped from the group because he was not confident enough when performing. Gah.

So what happens when a trainee gets dropped from a company? They can either go back to their lives before entering the company, or if they’re lucky, other companies will come along and pick them up for another group. BEAST was formed that way. I think it’s ironic in the sense that one of today’s most popular K-pop groups is formed from reject trainees from other companies. As mentioned above, Hyunseung was dropped from YG. Doojoon, the current leader of BEAST, was a JYP trainee before signing with Cube Entertainment. Yoseob had trained with JYPE before as well before deciding to leave due to poor evaluation results. And yet today, the talent of BEAST is undeniable. Why is that? Well, for one thing, most of the group members underwent two training periods instead of the typical one. The boys also work extremely hard–they’ve been discouraged by other companies and are more willing to put in the extra mile in order to succeed in K-pop. They don’t take things for granted because they’ve experienced the sting of rejection and the pain of getting so close to achieving a dream and having it ripped from their hands.

The training period is a humbling experience for most K-pop artists. Even after their debuts, most artists talk about their trainee days as difficult and intense. They don’t forget all the sweat and tears they put into achieving their dreams of becoming a K-pop star, and that’s what makes it so rewarding for them.
Wednesday, December 9, 2015
Healthy Living: Doing fine
I had a big disagreement with my parents today. They said I have been moody lately. I know they can tell my shift. I have been unwell since I haven't been taking care of myself lately. I need to really set a schedule and work with it. But for some reason, I haven't been doing that. I am falling behind in my work. Honestly, I don't know what wrong with me right now. I know I haven't been able to do much, but maybe its time to try to get up and do something. Something.
I will get there.
Sunday, December 6, 2015
Healthy Living: Loving what matters
I think I have been forgetting this. I wanted to post this a reminder to everyone and also myself. This one matter.s
Healthy living: Keep the tears in
I found myself crying lately a lot regarding reflecting on my life. I think tears comes so often for so many things. I think this is because of the oncoming stress of Decembers, the upcoming interview, the poster, the presentation, the questions to study for the, the interview process, all of this coming toward me and it gets overwhelming.
I find the emotional aspect of being on an emotional roller coaster. There are so much I want to say about the emotions I feel, but I don't think I want to express everything on here for now. But I do want to say a few things about what I am planning to do and the reflecting that came to be at the end of the day.
In the end, I have been complaining about all of these feelings and how it is so hard to bear and living it. But to others, this is life. I guess, I really do have to learn to live in insecurities, learn to live with doubts, learnt to rest with fear, learn to sleep with not knowing what tomorrow will bring. I need to stop crying for myself and for my problem. This application process is hard, but it is not the worst thing in the world. I can get through this. I can pull through. It is because I know I'm a fighter. I know. So, here, where all the rhymes and poetry of the past comes to play. I will not drewl anymore and cry about random things. I learned to live with the conditions that is given to me. I learned to survive.
Oh, and here for an old pal.
I used to have an old college friend where we were lab partners. I was very fond of her because we worked well in lab together. I am happy to have known her. I don't think I could ever forget this friend because she made a lot impact in my life. I am happier knowing that I have this good pal for a short segment of my life. I am grateful to have met her. Physic labs would not be so awesome without her.
Thursday, December 3, 2015
Healthy Living: The Assumption
Today, I relistend to a recording of some feedback about me. I don't like to hear people talk about me behind my back, but hey, the world spins. So, I received some constructive criticism, and honestly, it's like having a bitter taste in my mouth. But I learn to take it as it is, and hopefully, I DON'T EVER MAKE THIS MISTAKES IN THE FUTURE.
The Talks Tips:
Tip#1: Don't make assumption:
-Take prompts at Face Value. Try not to be bias in your reading.
-Or make assumption
-Ex: The kid has been unvaccinated but that does not say ANYTHING about the mother's belief on vaccination or why the kids is not vaccinated.
Tip#2: Make the Teamplayer comfortable
-If working with someone and you are working together to get things done, comment on their progress.
(a) give good positive motivation and encouragement
(b) ask whether to the speed is good or if they are still comfortable
(c) communicate and understand their positions.
ASSUMPTION: MISTAKES:
"We have the tendency to make assumptions about everything. The true problem with making these assumptions is that we believe they are the truth. We could swear they are real. We make assumptions about what others are doing or thinking-we take it personally-then we blame them and react by sending emotional poison with our word. That is why whenever we make assumptions, we're asking for problems. We make assumptions, we misunderstand, and end up creating a whole big drama for nothing.
All of the sadness and drama you have in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Once we do these two things, we start gossiping about our assumptions. Because we are often fearful of asking for clarification, we make assumptions, and then believe that we are correct in these assumptions. Then, we defend these assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions for clarification because assumptions set us up for suffering.
We tend to only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We do not perceive things the way they are. We literally dream up things in our imagination. Because we don't understand something, we make an assumption about the meaning, and when the truth comes out, we often find out it is not what we thought at all.
Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for trouble. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want. We assume they will do what we want because they know us so well.
We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption humans make. This is often why we have difficulty being ourselves around others.
The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to have the courage to ask questions. Once you have the answers to the questions, you won't have to assume anything at all because you will have the truth. Also, find your voice to ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everyone has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.
All of the sadness and drama you have in your life was rooted in making assumptions and taking things personally. Once we do these two things, we start gossiping about our assumptions. Because we are often fearful of asking for clarification, we make assumptions, and then believe that we are correct in these assumptions. Then, we defend these assumptions and try to make someone else wrong. It is always better to ask questions for clarification because assumptions set us up for suffering.
We tend to only see what we want to see and hear what we want to hear. We do not perceive things the way they are. We literally dream up things in our imagination. Because we don't understand something, we make an assumption about the meaning, and when the truth comes out, we often find out it is not what we thought at all.
Making assumptions in our relationships is really asking for trouble. Often we make the assumption that our partners know what we think and that we don't have to say what we want. We assume they will do what we want because they know us so well.
We make the assumption that everyone sees life the way we do. We assume that others think the way we think, feel the way we feel, judge the way we judge, and abuse the way we abuse. This is the biggest assumption humans make. This is often why we have difficulty being ourselves around others.
The way to keep yourself from making assumptions is to have the courage to ask questions. Once you have the answers to the questions, you won't have to assume anything at all because you will have the truth. Also, find your voice to ask for what you want. Everyone has the right to say yes or no, but you always have the right to ask. Likewise, everyone has the right to ask you, and you have the right to say yes or no.
―Don Miguel Ruiz"
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