Happy Holidays

Merry Christmas & Happy New Year.

I thought about this holiday is full of mixed emotions. It has it joy, it has it misery, it has it hardship, it has it relaxing time, it has it stress, and it has love. Goodness, the amount of emotions I went through this year is really something. Never before, maybe except sometime in 2012, did I ever went through so much.

In a way, I am exhausted, scare, and anticipating of what will come in the near future. What the new year will bring. What challenges, what hardship, and what miracle will bring. I messed up tonight, I should be studying, preparing, writing, and everything except sitting and rewatching Frozen again. I don't know why I did the thing I have done.

I am in a mix of everything. I have had a lot of challenges these days, and no amount of words can I express what I have gone through, and what is expected of me in the future. Sometime, I wonder if I have the strength to continue this journey of my dream. I wonder if there is really the other side. I am being tested, being put to so much emotions, and challenges. I am sorry I am ranting on this webpage.

After I graduated things has been so different. I am not use to this new life. This life without school. This inbetween. This application. This waiting. This panicking. This prospects. This opportunities.

My heart hurt. I am tired of being scare of the future. I am tired of letting my emotions placed on the decision of others. I feel alone and surrounded all at the same time. What a weird chirstmas. It really don't feel like december. But all at the same time, it feels like it december.

I remember I told somebody this. This stage of my life, It's not a good thing, and it's not a bad thing. It's just different from what I am used too and that why I don't feel comfortable.