To be honest, I am not happy. I'm miserable. I'm sick, and tired. I been coughing for about 3 weeks. I just finished one exam already and its really hard. I don't know how I'll make through this grad school stuff. I just see people flying by, having an amazingly good time and enjoying themselves. But really, I'm not happy.
I don't do anything except study. The most fun I allow myself is to go shopping and seeing my parents. Really, something has to changed. I am living in fear of wheather passing my classes. I'm not doing well as I like in class. I haven't really found friends I can connect with or be real with. Everyone is just everyone. I don't know, I kinda wish there is more to this.
It was my dream to go into medicine. I am living the dream right now, but damn it, I sure don't know how to manage it. I am miserable, and my cold is making everything worse. I went through a rough 3rd exam, and I am really scared of the result.
So, I take in a breath. We just had exam, and now we are heading on toward another exam soon, and this course has difficult section on anatomy. I am writing here because I want to vent. I want things to change. I want to survey this. I want to manage this. I want to succeed. And I want to be better.
I just don't know how. I am frustrated, tried, and sleepless. I need to go to bed because I had like 5 hours of sleep yesterday and for quite awhile. I'm miserable, and I don't know how to manage my life at this moment.
....
I often wonder if I will survive this storm. I really need help. I think I will need to see my counselor tomorrow. Maybe just touch some base with him.
But you know, I have a dream. I dream that one day, I will be someone great. I'll do worthwhile things. I will get survive this. And I must succeed.
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