I should be writing this post on my main computer. But tonight, my butts seems to enjoy this chair, so I will be posting via my laptop.
So everyone, I jus went through one of the roughest course this year. It is none other than Neurology. It is hard. Going through it, I felt terrible. I felt like I was going to suffocate. But of course, nothing is as bad as the MCAT and the application cycle.
To recapped: I failed my first neuro exam. Then, I reached out, and worked really hard. I found a new style of studying. I then ace's my 2nd and then 3rd exam. I passed the class. I found many great angels during my troubled time. I don't know, it is just... nice.
There is a lot of my mind tonight, and its not really academic. Something happened yesterday. There is this girl. And, it was been on my mind lately, that I wanted to ask her out to dinner. But I could never find the opportunity. We were never really alone much, and we both have a pretty heavy schedule. Neuro was no joke for me, so I dedicated a lot of my time to studying. And during the month of April, the idea has been on my mind. I really want to ask her out. But I just can't. I had to study. And I wish there is just a way. I wanted to be smart enough to keep my grades, to keep studying and focusing, but also have time to pursue her. But you know, that thought kinda die after my first failed exam, so I just book study like crazy.
During this time, I just kept my distance. Focus. Of course. But, these thoughts comes out at night. I really don't know. I haven't felt this way about someone for awhile. And from my past experienced, I learned that people like this that comes into your life, and make you feel this way are no joke. They aren't just random strangers. They are a gift from god. And, this girl is pretty special.
And yesterday, after the exam, I mustered the courage to asked her out to dinner. She said yes. Yay! :D
During the moment that I initiated the conversation, honestly, I really didn't think I could do it. When I was in it, I just went for it. And, yea, that was it. The effect didn't hit until the next moment. I didnt' registered until I woke up the next morning and realized I just did what I just did.
And, tonight, I'm completely behind from my work. And instead of being on top of my lectures, I choose to sit here and write. Because, this moment is special.
For one, it marked a special time in my life that I mustered the courage to ask a really cute girl out. And its not any cute girl, its her.
Second, its been 5 years since 2012. If someone told me back in 2012, that I will live, and continue to survive. That 5 years from now, I would be a medical student, I would be doing well in med school, and that I would meet someone I really like, and ask her out...Oh wow, I would not believe you. I just remember that there were some really dark times in my life.
During those dark times, it was really hard to see the light. Just thinking about it, and listening to old songs, I could not forget the emotions and coldness I felt. Life just seemed to stop then. I thought I was messed up. I thought I don't deserved life. Everything was just so damn far away. There were no medicine. There were no future, no dreams. There was this emptiness. I was not proud of who I am.
And during that time, people came in to my life. Many lifeboats came and they helped me. I would never forget what Natalie did for me. There were so many positive people who loved and protected me during those time. I wasn't alone in the struggled. I came from a place of where I was deeply disturbed and ashamed of who I am.
And coming a long long way from who I was back then. Five years later, I am now in a different place and around different people. The people of 2012 are in a distant place and following their own adventures. And for me, I am also following my own path. And to have the luck and the courage to do what I did yesterday, is unbelievable.
I'm in awe. Thanks for following me in my journey.
No comments:
Post a Comment