Well, I went on my first date. It wasn't really much of a date then a friend get together. But in my book, I count it as my first date. First time to ask a girl out, First time to drive her to dinner, first time getting dessert and sitting in a comfortable chairs at night and talking. In a way, it was almost perfect. It was better than what I could have hoped for. I was so nervous that I prayed before going on the date.
And if I left it as that, you would think it went well. You would think I probably get a 2nd date, and get to continue to see this girl. But that not how the story played out. You see, just 2 days prior to my first date, I went hiking with her and a group of our friends. I found out that she was going through a breakup. She was seeing someone for a couple of months now and was relatively happy in the relationship. They broke up for some reason I did not asked.
So, she was going through a recovery period. She was pretty much very happy in her relationship with her ex boyfriend. I was very sad after hearing such news. Part of me wanted to break off the tuesday night dinner. But I didn't, I felt I should just stick with it and just confessed to her and get over it. And when Tuesday come, I made a promised to myself that I would be honest to her and confessed and move on with my life.
So, Tuesday came, and so there I went. We went to dinner, and I had pho because my throat was hurting bad. I asked her about her childhood, and where and how she grew up. A bit of her bibliography. She was hesistant at first but told me about her life and all the way up to college where the story cut off. Then, it was my turn to tell the story. And somehow, I told her the story of my first boyfriend and the girl who shifted my world. I told her about my past depression and the dark time in my life that I contemplated suicide because I was to afraid to deal with my own sexuality.
We had a honest conversation. And afterward, we went to get icecream for dessert. I wanted to confessed to her my feelings, and then tell her I'm going to move on. But it wasn't the time. She has her own struggles, and I really don't want to burden her by tell her something that is competely irrelevant. So, I shut up and drove her home.
And ladies and gentleman, that is how my first date ended. The first and the last. In some ways, it might look like a disappointment. I didn't get the girl. There's no 2nd date. The end result of the date was that I need to quietly walk away from her. But in every misery, I guess there is a blessing. I am fortunate she shared a part of her life with me. I know she was very fragile and to be honest to another human being is a very hard and brave thing for her to do. So, with all due respect, I thank her for her truth and honesty to me. And with that, I have to move forward with my life because there could not be anything between her and me.
And so, I choose to see this as a stepping stone. My first time asking a girl out. My first time going on a date with a girl. Eventhough she doesn't have feeling for me, I sure do for her. And it will be hard to forget her, but surely and slowly, with time and space, I will move forward.
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