Tonight, the things I say will be a bit off track. It will be without context. So, bare with me, but in this off track dialogue, I do still hope to portray something.
To start, maybe it is was the way I was raised. Maybe it was the fact that I wasn't born in a place so well off, traveled to many places during my childhood. I saw the poor, the opportunistic, and the instinct to survive. In my young age, I saw many things but I did not fully grasp everything. Coming to the United States, I began school like many other children my age of 6 or 7. But, unlike them, I came here and I brought my experience with me. My family were poor. We came from a humble background and even now, my cousins, aunts and uncles are still struggling to survive in Vietnam.
Thus, knowing that I came from a very far places, my parents have climb the ladder with their bare hands, setting trails that were not even possible. They made things happened for me. They cleared a path for me to walk on. They cleaned the grounds, removed the weeds and dirty, pave a nice shiny road for their beloved daughter to tread, hoping I will find for myself a better life than they ever had it. Knowing that, knowing what they have done, and knowing how fortunate I am, I understand my place. I knew how lucky and fortunate for me to be where I am today.
With that said, with my current position, I am not ignorant to the suffering that my cousins are facing in during this time. Unlike me, they're parents has not been as lucky as mine. But their parents loved them so, and so these cousin of mine are now still struggling in a different place, forging their own step and life. Many dream of a life in America, and I wish one day, that dream for them will be realized. I witness their struggles and the sacrificed they made.
Its not easy living this life by yourself, my dear. You need people in your life to stand as pillars to help you through the hard time.
With that, I think about the people who I met and the friends I had. I come to see, no one make it alone. And with that said, I think about an old friend I have lost. Its actually quite recent, and I sometime question her actions. I left the friendship because I could not agree with some of the decision she made. And, in some part, I did it for my own good for a reason I will not get into here. But with that, I sometime find myself ponder about the decision my old buddy took.
If I were to look at the path she choose with an eye of a kid raised in this privilege nation, I would see thing differently. I would believe and actually trust this friend. I would buy everything they said, and told me. But I can't. I didn't. Its because, I am not from here. Its because of my background and my upbringing that made me belief there is something more. I will never know if I am right or wrong about my intuition. But what it told me is to stay away from this buddy. It was just a inkling, but I knew it is time to withdraw and pull myself away.
There are several reasons I chose this path. But I don't think I made a bad choice. If my intuition was correct, then I did a good thing for leaving. But if I am wrong, then I am not worthy to be of a friend and better off walking out of their life. So both way, its not a bad ending. Its odd really, I will always be grateful for this friendship. Its taught me many things and gave me the courage to be who I am.
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